Merry Christmas!

Family drama out the wazoo at the Possession household. Nothing to do with Sir or myself, but infuriating on a level that I have not personally experienced. I've been sworn to secrecy, so no more details here. Not that family drama would be anyone's first concern if they connected this blog to me. Ha.

Apart from the drama, Christmas has been great so far this year. Sir got me way too much, but my favorite is the new bracelet he gave me. The latch on my old one broke a few months ago and fell off--I found it, but I haven't been wearing one because I didn't have another one.

So last night was my family Christmas and today is Sir's family. Driving, driving, and more driving--to see people he mostly just feels guilty to not see. He's afraid it will be a bad omen if he doesn't see them all on Christmas this year, since there was a death of one of the elderly family members earlier this year. I think its a waste of time and gas money to go see them because he will be miserable the whole time, but I will support him. We'll get to see his parents, at the very least. Sir's parents are very awesome--not sure what happened to the rest of his family.

Sir is recovering from a cold as well, so at least the family visit will be short. He hasn't been in a very frisky mood of late though, so that makes me sad.

Now that presents are done and we've got nothing to do for a few hours, the time has come to attempt to clean up the house and make up for not being home all week.

Merry Christmas, blogland!
HLA

A Fight

Sir and I had an epic screaming match Friday night when I got home. We don't usually fight. Ever. And Sir NEVER yells, especially at me.

I worked 52 hours over the past week. Normally, I work 40, and when I was working at Helljob, I averaged about 36. This week has put quite a strain on us because when I get home, I am too tired to cook and too tired to play. All of that came out with a vengeance on Friday when I was catching up on my emails and stuff--nothing that couldn't wait, but something I hadn't been able to do all day. We were catching up on our DVR and Sir asked me a question. I wasn't paying attention and didn't answer. Something else happened, and then we were screaming at each other. Full blown screaming match, no punches pulled.

And then I pretty much told Sir to go F himself and went up to bed, where I seethed and cried myself to sleep.

Saturday morning, I woke up to Sir's arms wrapped around me so tightly I couldn't breathe. I tried to move so that his elbows weren't poking me in the side, and he held me tighter, telling me that he didn't want to lose me and he thinks we just need more time together since we've barely seen each other at all this week. We started having a rational discussion about the problems and then we ended up making out and having our first make-up sex ever. It was fantastic, and then we had a day of just us until we had a friend over to go see a movie.

After the movie, we asked the friend over and talked about it a little with her, and she and her husband have the same problems when their work schedules don't line up.

So my goal this week (which shouldn't be as bad since I'm leaving early Christmas Eve and I'm off Christmas Day) is to not let my commute put me in a shitty mood and to not let my electronic devices distract me from Sir. We had time with friends yesterday and we're having another friend over tonight, so that will be a nice way to get out of the rut. We don't normally have friends over because they all live so far away.

Commuter Hell

This past week has been the start of my overtime at work. It has also been the start of people suddenly forgetting that the expressway is for DRIVING, not for slowly coasting your vehicle with no cops or accidents in sight.

My commute, which normally takes about 30 minutes, has been creeping up to around an hour. I am NOT cool with this. NOT COOL. I've come home in an absolute rage every day this week. This has put Sir on the offensive because I am getting home so much later that usual and in such a bad mood that I don't want to eat or cook dinner. I had a cookie and a cup of coffee last night for dinner.

Tonight's commute took about 50 minutes. I distracted myself on the ride home with my ipod and told myself that Sir does not want me to come home in a bad mood. I am not allowed to get angry about the fucking commute taking so fucking long because these fucking morons can't fucking drive for shit. It helped.

So now I am waiting for dinner to cook and enjoying a lovely cold beer. Hopefully this weekend I can get some sexy time. I'm in desperate need of it.

HLA

Daydreams

Spent most of the day at work daydreaming about Sir.

His hands on my neck. His lips on my shoulders. His arms pinning me down. His eyes boring into mine as he comes.

I wish he could fully understand how much I rely on him. How much I strive to please him. How much I love his dominance over me.

Some hopes for ending 2013: being paddled. Being nipple-clamped. Making out in a semi public place. Having a really good, extended round of sexy time.

Always His Lady Aurora

On Sir's Orders

I think all of our long conversations over the past few days have helped Sir's confidence immensely. He seems more relaxed at home and his Dommy side is coming out to play more. He takes good care of me. He was too tired to take my ass last night, so we caught up on our DVR stuff until I fell asleep. I woke up wrapped in three blankets on the couch, very warm and comfy, but figured since I was awake, I should head up to bed and not stay down here all night. Sir had turned on the electric blanket so the bed was nice and warm on my side.

I woke up snuggled against Sir's back and felt happier than I have in a long time. And then he woke up. And then he decided to mercilessly tease me with his fingers until I begged him to let me come--which he did--five times. Then he flipped me over and had his way with me (not that I was complaining) while he bit my neck and told me what a dirty girl I am.

"Put your robe on and go make breakfast." So I made breakfast wearing only my big fluffy robe. And some thick socks, as its cold.

I love the weekend.

HLA

Christmas Cheer

Sir's holiday party for work was tonight, but the real show was the pre-party we had in the bedroom right before we left. I had just gotten out of the shower and finished blowdrying my hair when Sir beckoned me to the bed. He was sprawled out in just his robe, with the front ties hanging loose, revealing a peek of what was underneath.

Sir ordered me on my back, where he gave me an orgasm with my pink vibrator--which means--anal! Sure enough, after turning me into a puddle, Sir rolled out the medium sized butt plug and inserted it, then told me that he wanted me to think of something while he used my pussy.

"I want you to imagine what it would be like if you had two guys fucking you. What it would be like if they were discussing who would get your ass and who would get your pussy. What it would be like if they treated you like the fuck-holes you are. Just remember that only I get to fuck you in the ass. Your ass is mine."

The likelihood of Sir ever sharing me is pretty much nothing, so this imagining is pretty safe. It would be pretty hot, but I don't think I could ever be with another guy that way. Maybe a girl. Maybe. Highly doubtful, but it is more likely than a guy.

So after that, Sir told me that if I was lucky he would show me what it would feel like to have him in my ass and someone else in my pussy. I'm assuming he's referring to my mutantly large buttplug that we use as a dildo. Somebody is going to be sore in the morning. And I'm hoping it is me. :)

HLA

Weekend To-Dos

This Saturday is overtime for me, so while I will be making a ton of money tomorrow, I will be away from Sir for most of the day. After I get off work, provided I can drive home in the snowy ice slush that is sure to be covering the roads, I have to get showered and prettied up for Sir's holiday party, and then we have to leave. Sir doesn't want to go, and I don't blame him, because the whole party is just a show for the boss to tell himself that he treats the employees well. Don't get me wrong, its been great. But this year they are doing a cash bar (which is just tacky for this) and probably skipping out on bonuses and gifts altogether. On top of generally treating their employees like shit, and not maintaining equipment (which could be a disaster if anything went wrong), nobody wants to go in the first place. Ugh. Rant over.

Sir took my out for dinner tonight, which was very nice. I miss spending time with him. Our work schedules don't line up much lately and we only have about an hour a night after dinner. I need to be dominated!!! I think he's getting frustrated that I need his Dommyness so much and he's not as *rawr* as I apparently am.

Time to spend time with Sir instead of you lovely people. :)

HLA

Home Alone

I love having a day off during the week when Sir isn't home. He usually leaves me a list of things he would like me to get done during the day, and I get to stay in my pjs until I feel like getting dressed. :)

Sir's list today includes picking up a few specific things from the store, planning this week's menu around things we have in the freezer, and getting a head start on the laundry. My list for myself today includes going through the coupon stack, going through all the local grocery store ads to see what is on sale, making that menu, finishing (not just starting) the laundry, vacuuming the whole house, cleaning the bathrooms, and cleaning up the kitchen a little bit. Plus, I 'm making the first batch of Christmas cookies to send out with gifts to my out of state relatives. I'm a little ambitious.

Sir has mixed feelings on when I spend most of my day off cleaning up and doing errands and chores. I know that he enjoys having a neat and semi-orderly house, but he wants me to enjoy my day off too. I don't think he gets it. I like cleaning up because I'm doing it FOR HIM. And also most of the mess in the house is mine. But whatever. He works very hard at his job, which is very physical and draining. He works long hours, and I figure that the least I can do is try to have the house cleaned up and pretty for him when he gets home so he can chill out and enjoy his evening.

Sir's holiday party at work is this weekend. It's really the only good thing about his job, besides a paycheck. Everyone gets together at a nice restaurant, they all bring spouses, we get a really nice dinner (like, really nice. Mucho bucks) and an open bar. Score! It's nice to get to see the other people Sir works with because they are all pretty cool people. I have asked Sir to choose the type of outfit he would like me to wear (he wouldn't choose my outfit flat out--he says I'm an adult. I don't think he gets it). I asked him to decide if I will be wearing dress pants or a skirt, heels or flats, or I can wear a dress. I will most likely end up wearing my ben wa balls as well.

Sir won't be indulging in more than a beer or two while we are there (this thing will last at least four hours, so he will be fine to drive us home), and I'm hoping that he will take advantage of a certain drunken possession (me) after we come home. Or in the car.

I'm making a concerted effort to stop fighting him out of instinct. My first thought upon being asked/told to do something is to say NO, whether I want to do said activity or not. Yesterday, he told me to start my car while he made my lunch (he never makes my lunch, so this was a nice surprise). I started to open the coatroom door and he said no, just go start your car. No coat. I feel like he was testing me. So I grabbed my keys and headed outside into the freezing cold. I started my car and came back, shivering. He looked at me when I came in, smirking. Good girl, he told me. And then he came over and hugged me to warm me up.

Always his,
HLA

Wants and Fears

With nothing much going on in the way of kink recently due to Sir's stress and generally not having much time together, I have had lots of time to think about our dynamic. For a while there, I wanted out. Never out of the relationship (Sir and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for a total of 8, have known each other since high school), just out of the dynamic. And we had only been "in it" since around the time I started this blog over the summer.

I'm a very stubborn person. I'm a very impatient person. These two things do not readily shift to the idea of submission, and yet the idea of submission itself was fascinating and kind of deja-vu-ish. Sir has always been the dominant one in our relationship, and I love doings for him to make him happy. Like getting up at an obscene hour with him to make sure he gets a good breakfast and coffee before I go to work.

When I wanted out of the D/s thing we had set up for ourselves, I was feeling smothered. I barely looked at my blog or my reading list. The idea of sex just turned me off because I knew he would be demanding something of me. Something I didn't want to give. Complete control. Trust. Faith.

I think I was afraid.

I've always had trust issues. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school and I always only ever heard the one side of the story. The idea that the story I was hearing was a lie had never occured to me--until the reality of it hit. I have issues with letting people get close to me. I have Daddy issues. My first boyfriend took advantage of my naivety and the fact that I didn't know any better. As a reaction to these and many more facets of my life, I have a fear that I am not good enough to want forever.

Talking to a therapist (I stopped going this spring) and talking to Sir over the past few weeks helped me to realize that I AM good enough.

And that has brought me back around to the idea of being an "official" submissive. The idea of giving myself entirely over to Sir still makes me nervous, but it also creates a feeling of yearning to serve him, to make him entirely happy, to see the effects my service and behavior have on him.

For the new year, in addition to my list of resolutions and a 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days (borrowed from Molly's Daily Kiss), I will be reworking my submissive "goals," for lack of a better term. I like lists.

For now, I am simply His Lady Aurora.

PS. It looks like I might actually have readers. Thank you, whoever you are. Feel free to say hi!

Hickeys

I was cooking dinner last night when Sir came up behind me, pulled my hair to the side, and began biting and sucking my neck. HARD. I instantly began to fight back, since I cannot go to work with giant hickeys all over my neck, and Sir just pushed my hands away and moved his mouth further down my shoulder, where my shirt would cover it up.

He did this on my shoulder, twice, and then on my back. It's been a long time since he's given me hickeys. I like it.

I'm really liking my new job. People give me so many compliments and many of them are actually nice to me. Some guy gave me a Snickers at Halloween, people compliment my engagement ring, my nails, my jewelry (if I wear any, which is rare). Its strange to have people mostly be nice to me since I am still dealing with the general public. I am proud that I reflect positively on Sir as his possession, not that any of these people know who he is.

Sir has informed me that he is impatiently waiting his dinner, so I must call it a night for blogging.

Always his,
HLA

I like Sundays.

After a lovely evening of wine and relaxation, I have to admit that I was disappointed that Sir declined my offer of sexy time. However, this morning he was not so quick to say no. And then he demanded a threesome with a butt plug and everything seemed back to normal.

We talked about the lack of sex recently and he agrees with my guess that it is because he is stressed about his job. He doesn't like his job, which obviously creates stress, and he is concerned about his job security for the next year. He thinks he made a huge mistake in his major in college, doesn't think he even wants to do that (if he could find a job in the field, which is unlikely), and he knows that, as he contributes slightly more than half of our income, he MUST have a job that provides a similiar level of pay, he might have to move into something that he doesn't want to do. We are worried about him having to work nights, weekends, and holidays, which would really suck because I finally have a job where I only work during the day, Monday through Friday.

So Sir is basically having a mini-crisis and that is making him too stressed to focus on anything else. The only thing he can really do to fix this whole thing is to find a new job, which he has been working on for a long time. There isn't much I can do to help him either, except try and make his time at home relaxing and conducive to putting in mass applications. The problem is that he wants to relax, not put in applications, so he ends up taking a nap or playing video games until I get home. It really bugs me because I KNOW he is worried about his job, and I KNOW how disheartening it is to put in app after app and get nothing back, but if you don't put any in then you won't hear anything back.

Enough depressing things.

With Christmas and New Year's just around the corner, I am slowly coming up with my annual list of resolutions. I actually followed through on one from last year (getting a new job by Black Friday)!!

Here's what I have so far. This will be revised into an "official" version by 12-31.

1. Develop a healthier eating plan. I would like to go (mostly) dairy free soon, since I am fairly certain that I am lactose intolerant. I also need to lose weight, not least because Sir told me to buy a corset and it is JUST too tight to be wearable all day under my regular clothing.

2. Be more submissive.

3. Be more "housewifey." This includes cooking more healthy, wholesome meals, doing more cleaning around the house, and making more foods and snacks from scratch.

4. Remember to take my damn thyroid medication.

5. Start keeping track of budgeting things. How much do I spend on stupid things? Groceries? Gas? We need to start budgeting for a baby (hoping to start trying this coming year) although I don't see us being able to afford childcare unless one of us gets a drastic increase in pay. How the hell do people afford it??!! The cheapest I can find (which is not the best way to find daycare, obviously) is going to run about $1000 per month for 5 days a week. !!! It would almost be cheaper for me to quit my job.



Always his,
HLA

When Life Gets In the Way

That's really my only excuse for not updating or reading in so long. A month!

Sir has been very unhappy lately at his job, and I think it is leaking over into everything else in his life. I remember how that feels, and I can't blame him. We recently put some expensive work into our house and have an extra monthly payment to make, on top of the fact that my car is only mostly reliable as a means of transport, and the fact that we had been aiming for January as the month I was going to go off of The Pill and see what happened. Money stresses, family stress, etc.

And Sir keeps telling me that he has never felt this close to me.

I feel like we are emotionally closer, but further apart sexually. I mean, I literally cannot remember the last time we had sex. I'm fairly certain that he tied me up, but the whole Dom/sub thing has fallen apart for the moment.

And I'm not sure that I miss it as much as I think I should. I still serve him every chance I get. I still follow orders, whether he knows they were orders or not. We just don't seem to have sex. Ever.

Going to open a bottle of wine and see what happens. Perhaps I can get Sir to come out and play again.

Fantastic Friday

So after wearing my ben wa all day and doing one hour of butt plug practice, I was very excited for Sir to get home. We had to meet with someone at the house, so he couldn't maul me as soon as he got home, but he did make his wishes known. We are having some work done around the house and Sir had to show the guy the basement. After the guy was down there, Sir came back up and gestured for me to do something with my legs. The guy was all the way downstairs, unable to see or hear us. I was inititally confused, because I was wearing a short skirt and no underwear, I had been sitting with my legs firmly together. I thought that maybe I was sitting inappropriately and Sir wanted me to adjust my position. He finally rolled his eyes and came up a few more steps, whispering that I needed to "spread your legs right fucking now." Sir doesn't use the F word. Ever. I did as he asked and he said "good girl," then went back downstairs like nothing happened.

Very hot. Hot Hot Hot. I like exhibition without any real chance of getting caught.

After the guy left, Sir told me to lay down on the couch before making dinner. He hiked my skirt up and told me to close my eyes. I felt him doing something to my inner thigh, and when he told me to open my eyes, I found writing on my leg. I BELONG TO SIR was written in Sharpie on my inner thigh, along with arrows to my pussy and ass. I like it.

I made the menu for the weekend especially for Sir, since I figured that he had things planned for me that I would enjoy. I made him a really spectacular shrimp pasta dish (I think it is one of the best things I have ever made), and then the fun began. He ordered me to wear my butt plug again and then we watched a movie and slowly got drunk. After the movie was over, he told me to take off my clothes, except my bra, and brought down my collar. I was wearing a black bra, and the black leather collar and clamps looked very nice together. He asked me what I was (Sir's dirty slut), what my purpose was (to please Sir), and all kinds of other things.

Then he brought out the pink vibrator. Keep in mind that I was borderline cumming all day because of the balls and the butt plugs and the anticipation. So Sir brings out the pink vibrator, which means butt sex later, and began to reward me in advance/warm me up. After a minute or two (that thing works FAST), I asked for and received permission to cum. I exploded. Like, porno screaming, full on moaning, feeling fucking fantastic. And Sir kept holding the vibrator right there. And holding it there. And I kept cumming. Again. And again. And again. I think it was seriously like five minutes. Finally, I managed to push his hand away because I thought I was going to pass out. He just smiled. I think I have an addiction...

Always His,
HLA

A special contract from Sir

Vacation was fantastic. Sir and I got to walk along the beach, managed to have very quiet sex so his parents wouldn't overhear, and generally had a great time. SO much seafood!

I came home from work last night and found Sir hiding upstairs with my computer. After several minutes of playing the "what are you doing?' "nothing" game, I gave up and made dinner. I had just finished when Sir came down and set an envelope in front of my spot at the table with orders not to open it until after dinner.

I was intrigued.

When I was finally allowed to read it, Sir told me to grab the envelope and come sit on his lap. He put his hand down my pants and told me to open it up and read it out loud.

Every so often, I will have a long weekend. Sir wrote out his expectations for me, Possession, and did so in great detail. I am to wear my ben wa balls every day, putting them in every morning and only removing them with permission from Sir before bed. I am allowed to take them out to shower. I am to call Sir before noon each day and ask permission to put my butt plug in, wear it for an hour, and then call again to ask permission to remove it. I am not allowed to orgasm without permission, and I am to thank him each time I am allowed to. I'm not allowed to wear pajamas to bed. There are three pages in all, and I was very shocked and excited that Sir had written this whole thing out.

My rules for today include dressing in a skirt and no panties and leaving my hair down because I am Sir's slut and sex toy and my only purpose is to serve him. <--direct quote from contract.

Sir has started referring to me as Possession in text messages. I can still use personal pronouns because I don't like referring to myself in third person, and Sir doesn't call himself that either. They are more like terms of endearment for the other person to use.

My jobs for today are finished. I have worn the balls all day, worn the butt plug, cleaned up the house, gone shopping, and am wearing a short black skirt and a deep cut black sweater. I hope Sir approves.

Always His,
HLA

Weekend Domesticity

Sir and I woke up this morning and realized that the house was an absolute disaster. Not dirty, per se, but just covered in papers and dirty clothes, clean clothes and books, and everything was just generally messed up. So we cleaned and put things away and did laundry, and I folded it all. Pretty boring stuff.

No sexy time for a few days, as I am unavailable. Quite sad about that.

With all this free time, I decided to stop for a while and reassess my life. I stopped going to my therapist a few months ago and I wanted to take some time and think about how I am doing. I decided that the vast majority of things in my life are going very well. The only things that are bringing me down are my weight, my lack of dinner preparations, and my lack of me-time. With those three things in mind, I am creating a plan of attack to solve the problems.

My weight has always been a sore spot with me. As a kid, I would eat whatever I wanted and never gained a pound. I think most people are like that as kids, but I have a suspicion that my thyroid may have played a small part. I have mixed symptoms of hyper (too much) and hypo (not enough) thyroidism, leading me (and my doctor) to think that I may have started off with hyper and then my thyroid sort of burned out and stopped making enough, leading me to my current situation. I could play outside for hours, I played very energy intensive sports in high school, and I always had more than enough energy to spare. I was a morning person, and a night owl. I had to be moving. And then, sometime in college, between the culture shock of not being watched 24/7 by my mom, and the stress of classes, and the massive depression I fell into, I started to pack the weight on. Slowly. When I graduated, I weighed around 150 pounds. Most of that was muscle, and I am only about 5'3''. Not skinny at all, but healthy. By the end of freshman year, I probably weighed around 160. Not enough to really notice. Nothing that wasn't hidden by replacing my high school jeans with new ones that happened to be maybe one size up.

And then I came back home for a year, deciding that I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, and gained a little more weight. I think my thyroid must have crapped out right after I left College 1, because I started having trouble sleeping, I was always tired, I never had any energy, and I continued to fall slowly into depression.

My weight balanced out as I began to try new foods and discover cooking was something I enjoyed. My mom never really cooked, so I never got to try anything new. That is a whole other story though. Another day, perhaps. So as I started eating better, I began to plateau at my new weight, around 170.

Currently, I weigh around 180, and I am sick of it. My new job, as awesome as it is, involves sitting down. A lot. I'm afraid I'm going to end up gaining more weight, which is completely unacceptable. Which brings us to THE PLAN.

I will not go out to eat while I am at work, unless I am staying late (which only happens 2x a month). I will pack myself a HEALTHY lunch, one HEALTHY snack, and I will continue my hydration habits, which include water or iced tea.

Dinners will be arranged as such: one serving of protein, and two vegetable sides, plus a side salad with vinaigrette if I am super hungry. I will cut out potatoes and non-whole grain pasta out of my life. I will go easy on the carbs. I will plan out dinners AND lunches so that I have no excuses. I will cut down on my alcohol consumption, which is admittedly not a lot, but there are lots of calories in beer and alcohol.

I will exercise. I will walk the dog each day, at least once. I will go out and do cardio on my days off, for at least 45 minutes. It isn't really hot anymore, so that excuse is gone as well.

Hopefully after a few weeks I will have made some progress.

Always his,

HLA

Too Long

It has been too long since my last post. Quick update: I love nipple clamps.

Sir bought me a nipple clamping collar several days ago, and I effing love it. Last weekend, he told me that I needed to make breakfast, but I needed to wear the clamps while doing so. He slid the collar on, attached the clamps, and slipped my sleep shirt back on, since it was nice out and we had the windows open. Besides the fact that I like wearing the clamps/collar, it was a thrill to wear them in the house with the shades up and the windows open. Breakfast was good too. The sex after breakfast was lovely as well.

Since then, it has been slightly more normal. We are gearing up for a vacation in a few weeks, so things are getting hectic--today's mission from Sir is to find a new swimsuit. The one I have is from high school and the elastic has completely broken down. That is code for "I might as well just swim naked since it will fall off anyway" and that isn't an appropriate look for vacationing with the inlaws.

I've started a new schedule at work that lets me have one day off during the week, plus weekends. It means longer hours, but that extra day is going to help immensely. I can go shopping for groceries, clean up around the house, and generally get things back in order so that Sir and I have the weekend for fun things. Like nipple clamps and sex.

The house is kind of a disaster since neither of us has really been keeping up on it. I have my work cut out for me today.

Always His,
HLA

Possession

After two days of epic bitchiness on my part, lots of crying (also on my part), and some new-ish rules on Sir's part for me, he gave me the mystery item he had ordered online last week. He laid out an outfit for me to put on, watched as I changed, and then told me to stand in front of the mirror and close my eyes. I felt something being wrapped around my neck, and then felt pinching at my nipples.

I opened my eyes. It was a leather collar that wrapped around my neck, making it hard to tilt my head. It fastened like a belt buckle in the back, and then a metal loop holds two chains, at the end of which are two adjustable nipple clamps.

I was very pleasantly shocked, excited, and very aroused. Sir fastened the clamps on, which I was initally worried about. What if they were too tight? They are amazing. I love them. And then he bent me over, shoved a butt plug in, gave me three clit-Os with the pink vibrator, and made me ask him if I could orgasm while using his title. "Can I please come, Sir??!!"

Then, when I was a numb body on the bed, he began taking my ass. He gripped my throat, whispering filthy things. He told me I was a dirty whore, a slut, his property, his possession, that I was his to do whatever he wanted with. I was too far gone to finish with him, but he seemed to enjoy himself immensely.

I am not allowed to wear the collar unless he is there. I was distracted all day today by it, and then realized about fifteen minutes before I left work that I had a giant shadowy bruise on my hand from his hand gripping mine as I climaxed. Oh well.

This weekend promises to be full of more clampy goodness. Plus he has some kind of date planned.

Always his,

HLA

Kinky Fuckery

I cannot recall where I heard the term "kinky fuckery," but I like it. I feel like it might have been 50 Shades, but maybe not. Either way, love that term.

So yesterday, Sir texted some instructions for me involving underwear and shoving things into my lady bits. I was already on my way to work, and so was unable to perform said tasks. I promised to immediately change when I got home and he continued to send me various orders throughout the day.

I arrived home and rushed upstairs to freshen up and change. He had laid out a pair of black, lacy underwear, a black push up bra, and black stockings. Thigh highs. Think Marie Antoinette, if she did porn. And he had set out a pair of pin-up heels. I am all but walking on my toes when I wear them. I put on the outfit, slipped in the Ben Wa ball and a medium butt plug, and came to meet Sir in the living room for my next instructions.

First, he spanked me over his knees with the new paddle for stopping to greet the dog on my way upstairs. He had told me to go straight up, no delays. After my ass was nice and red, he told me to suck him until he told me to stop. I decided to see how deep I could take him and he ended it quickly, since he was getting too excited. We went upstairs, where he told me that he was going to finish wherever he wanted on me or in me, and as long as it wasn't in my ass, I was to reach down and taste it afterward. Hot.

He banged my brains out, finishing himself quickly, then reached for my vibrator since I was a good girl and tasted his cum like he told me to. I don't know what it is about that thing, but its like being electrocuted. Three agonizingly amazing orgasms later, I was a puddle of goo on the bed, and my ass muscles still hurt from tensing up so much before the release.

After I had cleaned myself up, he told me to wear the outfit for the rest of the night, nothing else. So I cooked dinner in my undergarments and stockings, plus my fuck me heels. And fuck me he did.

Always His,
HLA

Back in the Game

As instructed, I wore my Ben Wa ball all day at work yesterday. I think I need to buy a heavier one or something because after a few hours, I couldn't really feel it anymore. But it was lovely, either way. I checked my phone on the way to my car and saw a text from Sir, telling me to have a safe drive and to come inside, get freshened up, and put on whatever outfit was laying on the bed for me. I arrived home, very excited, and rushed up to get ready.

Sir came in, dressed in all black (I could tell he had spent way too much time thinking about this all day), and laid out the paddle, a dowel rod, some rope, and a crappy old tie that we have used as a blindfold or makeshift handcuffs. As had been laid out for me, I was wearing a white push-up bra, white hipsters, and white thigh high stockings. Sir told me that he really liked this outfit on me, and then the fun began. He actually only used the tie on me, tied around my neck loosely as a collar and then looped through the back strap of my bra so that he could direct me with a sort of handle.

After slapping my hands away from unzipping him, he did it himself while lecturing me that I did not have permission to touch him yet, and definitely not with my hands. He pulled himself out and shoved into my mouth, making a moaning noise when he felt how deep he could go. We've been working on dampening my gag reflex, and I actually found an article online that gives suggestions on how build up your tolerance using a toothbrush while brushing your teeth. I brush my tongue too, and you just brush a little further back every time, doing it a little longer each time. It has actually helped quite a bit.

Sir also said that I was not allowed to check my email for a couple days, which is not feasible for me. He bought something naughty online and didn't want me to see, so I had him go onto my phone and move the confirmation so that I wouldn't be able to see it. I'm intrigued. Hopefully it will be here by this weekend.

While I was making dinner, we had a discussion about how things are progressing in terms of the D/s thing, and I think he is really getting into it. Its in his personality anyway, at least with me, and it was just a matter of making sure I was really enjoying it. He was concerned because lately I haven't been able to "finish" when we are in the throes of passion. :) And he was worried that it was his fault or something. I think he is just super excited by this whole new dynamic and I'm not worried because that gives him an excuse to torture me later with the vibrator.

Also, he asked me if I liked a certain position (I can't actually recall what one) because it made me feel like a dirty whore. I said yes, and he said I was damn right, I am a dirty whore. HIS dirty whore. Is it bad that I was really turned on? Just kidding, I don't care. I'll be his dirty whore anyday.

Always His,
HLA

No Time For Drama

I can see it has been a while since my last update. I had way too much on my reading list when I signed back on here--will have to catch up later.

Between family drama on both sides and my new work hours, things have been less than ideal in the D/s world for me lately. Sir and I have both been dealing with different levels of family drama, added to the constant annoyance of me not being home early enough anymore, plus Sir is afraid his job will not last until the new year. Our sex life has unfortunately, but understandably, fallen to the side.

Until last night, when Sir returned downstairs from our bedroom and dropped the little satin bag that my BenWa ball lives in on the papers I was looking at for work. I looked up at him, mentally hoping this was what I thought it was, and I was correct. Sir ordered me to wear the ball today at work. All day. And then when I get home, he is going to maul me. Looking forward to it. The last time he did this, I was in between ending my job at Helljob and starting this one, so I was stuck at the house all day, fantasizing. This will be more difficult since I have to contribute to the workplace. Oh well. I dub this the BEN WA CHALLENGE.

Hopefully this is the kickstart we needed to get back on track. I've been keeping up with the non-sexual side of our arrangement, but it is hard to get things ready for someone who is already home two hours before you. I've also been wanting to get back in the habit of eating better and working out, plus going for walks. The weather is finally starting to cooperate and hopefully I can start some good habits.

My goal this week: realize that I am someone to be proud of.

Always His,
HLA

Weekend's Over

I think Sir and I just needed a weekend together to get things sorted out. Hopefully, my prepping dinner ingredients will save time and help him to not be so stressed about eating at a decent hour. He is still depressed about his job, but I think he is finally getting the idea that he needs to seriously just get out and go elsewhere.

On the D/s side of things, I think I need him to be more Dommy. All the time. About everything. I think the D/s has become a real part of our relationship and it hasn't been as apparent in the last week because of everything else going on. I tried upping my own contributions, calling him Sir more often in text messages and generally deferring more to him. I have offered service more often, asking if he wants more coffee or a snack, or dessert, or whatever it might be. I have been more aware of his needs, I guess. It makes me feel better to be able to make him feel pampered.

Today was the first night of our attempted healthier eating. We had fish, steamed broccoli, grean beans, and I made crab stuffed mushrooms as a sort of appetizer. It was delicious, and I ate more vegetables tonight than I have in a long time. I also prepped some apple slices and carrots for my snacks this week, along with some ranch sauce for the carrots. I figure the carrots have little to no calories, so I can have a little sauce to choke them down with.

My new job is fantastic. I am actually still a little excited to go in tomorrow. It still seems unreal that I can have a job where I don't have fanstasies about the building going up in flames (at night, when there is no one in there). Bonus points: I've lost about four pounds since quitting Helljob. Probably from the lack of stress and crushing depression.

Hopefully I can get Sir feeling better in general. He seems to just be kind of BLAH all the time and its very sad.

Always his,
HLA

Unwinding

This is my first weekend off from the new job and Sir and I are planning on figuring out what each of us needs to do to feel better about this situation. But yesterday, we just relaxed. Sir came home, took a nap, showered, and got dressed up to match me (since I have to dress up for my new job). He had a drink, which helped him to transition into weekend mode, and I drove us to dinner. We got an appetizer, which we don't ever do, Sir told me to get a drink if I wanted, so I did. I tried a new one that I haven't had before, and it was very good. We had a nice, relaxing dinner, and just enjoyed each other's company. Sir remarked on the way home (he drove, having worn off his beer from earlier in the afternoon) that he felt like we were "normal" and it felt odd. We didn't get home until about 8, which is usually the time we head to bed. We sat up and watched TV, part of a movie, and tried a new beer Sir had gotten us in honor of my job. We had first tried it on a visit to my hometown and we both loved it, which was strange since we aren't really beer drinkers.

This morning, Sir mauled me in bed, which was lovely. He tried a new position of sorts-me on top, which he loves, but then he pinned my ankles down to the bed. The feeling of restraint was very hot. We also tried an elevated doggy style and he absolutely pounded me until I was sore. Still am sore, excuse me. Then he told me that I was dirty, and dirty girls like threesomes (which is our reference to using a vibrator alongside him or a butt plug back there). I agreed that I was a dirty whore and he shoved the butt plug in and continued on his merry way, calling me his dirty slut and stuff like that.

So in other words, we are feeling like we have returned to our normal situation. I made breakfast, we cleaned up the house a little, I brought him his coffee upon his command. We still have to sit down and figure out how to keep things going during the week--normally I would be home way before him and clean things up and start dinner, but now I get home after him.

I made the menu--we are going shopping tomorrow--and I think I have things figured out. If we/he goes shopping twice a week-once on weekends and once mid-week, I can prep everything for the next three to four days and toss it in the fridge. This will drastically cut down on prep time because I can either just toss it all in and cook immediately when I get home, or Sir can measure what we need and not have to really think or do much "cooking." I also plan on doing small appetizers we can eat while the meal is still cooking--and I should get stuff for salads too. Sir is worried that since I sit down a lot now, I am going to gain weight. I am worried about that too, since I already have metabolism issues due to my thyroid problems and probable IBS/lactose intolerance. There is a little park-type thing nearby, and I have been walking around that during my breaks. Its nice to get to go outside during the day.

Always his,
HLA

Sir

Sir is getting very fed up with his job. This is manifesting itself by him getting upset over stupid things, being upset about my new hours/commute, and being jealous of my new job. I have to admit, I would be super pissed and jealous if the tables were turned and he had gotten this job instead of me. But anyway.

He told me this afternoon that he feels like his alpha male dynamic is getting tossed to the side because he gets home before me and therefore cleans up the house and gets dinner started--things he has never really done, EVER, during the entirety of our nearly decade long relationship. I don't like it anymore than him, but I am SO EFFING HAPPY to be out of Helljob that I could be doing almost anything else and not really care. But I see where he is coming from and it does feel strange to not cook dinner. I haven't really cooked anything in like three days. I made breakfast once, but that doesn't even count. Eggs are not hard.

I don't really know how to fix this. There are a few solutions, I guess, but none that really help right this second. He could take a nap instead of cleaning up, although he did both today, and then I could start dinner when I get home. This means it would be ready much later than usual, and then we would probably stay up later so that A we could spend more time together, and B who wants to eat dinner and then go right to bed? I could also prep all the stuff beforehand, presumably on the weekend, so that he/I could just throw dinner together with all of these prepped ingredients.

We are taking it one day at a time right now, but I am really happy with my new situation.

Always His,
HLA

New Job Stress

My new job is affecting Sir and I more than I thought it would. I am now getting home after him, and he told me yesterday that it was very sad to come home to an empty house. I was very stressed yesterday after having filled out endless paperwork and having to get information that I didn't know I needed, and was very cranky and generally in a horrid mood. He told me this afternoon that he actually stayed downstairs after I went to bed because he didn't want to be in bed with me. That has not happened in a LONG time.

Today was much, much better. I got almost everything taken care of, and the stuff I need to correct can be done pretty much at my leisure. I actually got more into training for my actual job, and I really like it. Sir made dinner, which was reheating a huge platter of lasagna, but it feels strange to have him doing "my job" of making sure dinner is done. I don't really like it, but the alternative is to have dinner later in the evening, and since he gets up early, this causes problems. We are going to have to figure this out over the weekend because I enjoy cooking and I know Sir does not. Plus cooking is my job.

I have a feeling that this weekend is going to be very interesting in terms of sexy time. We haven't done anything in several days, and I am thinking of wearing my Ben Wa ball to work on Friday. Maybe I will plan a date day.

Sir is instructing me to make coffee to go along with dessert and I must obey.

Always His,
HLA

Labor Day

Not much going on today. I've been off for about a week and start my new job tomorrow. I'm so excited but really nervous that I'm going to screw it up and end up crawling back to Helljob. Sir is confident in me, and that helps.

Several BBQs this weekend. Lots of food. Lots of family time with mine and Sir's parents. I worked out the plan for my new daily routine--still getting up with Sir, but now I actually have time to get in a decent workout DVD and shower.

Nothing much in the way of kink this weekend either. There wasn't really time until today, and both of us were pretty much beat. We got up early to get back in the work mindset and then we were so bored and cranky that we just sort of did our own things until it was time for dinner. Caught up on some TV shows, did some reading, ate some more. Since I did all the laundry on Friday, there wasn't any of that to do--so we ended up taking a nap. Which was nice.

I think the plan for tonight is to watch a movie and then head to bed. I'm so excited to have weekends off now too, since Sir has them off as well.

Always His.
HLA

My Promises to Sir

Here is an updated and slightly more formalized version of His Lady's rules and protocols. After doing some research and having conversations with Sir about what he expects, I have drafted this new version of my rules and protocols.

I, His Lady, shall endeavor to uphold these expectations as a sign of my love and support for Sir. I will strive to follow His directions always and to always remember that I do these things for Him and for myself.

 

General Rules:

• Always remember that Sir prefers a positive attitude. Discuss any negative feelings with Him and try to resolve them immediately.
• No more F bombs. Even if I am by myself. (exception: use of a sexual nature)
• Do not be bitchy for no apparent reason. Do not take bitchiness out on Sir. Do not use any negative nicknames in reference to Sir.
• Spend less time on electronic devices.
• Blog once a day (at least).
• Prep Sir's coffee each night before bed.
• Ask Sir if he has any requests for the day (wearing Ben Wa ball, completing a task, etc.)
• Communicate my needs to Sir in a positive way. "I would like it if..." rather than "I want..."

Health/Well-being: 

• Follow workout schedule, unless illness or unavoidable circumstance prevents this. Try to complete workout in the morning before work. 
• Take vitamins every day after dinner.
• Two snacks allowed each day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. (I have a problem with grazing. I also have hypothyroidism and trouble losing weight. I also really like food.)
• Add more vegetables and fruits to diet, possibly as snacks.
• Make an effort to vary the weekly menu.
• Weight loss goal: get my BMI to the outer edge of the healthy category. Lose 30 pounds.

Finances: 

• Keep the checkbook updated.
• Spending of more than $15 on personal "splurges" must get permission from Sir before purchase.
• Make sure all bills are paid on time. Develop and enact a better system to organize bills. 

Duties/Service:

• Wake up with Sir each day and make His breakfast before completing daily workout.
• Make Sir's lunch if He requests.
• Make the weekly menu and shopping list on Friday evenings.
• Cook dinner each night, endeavoring to make these healthy and satisfying meals.
• Present Sir with his coffee each morning before breakfast.
• Complete laundry on weekends, including folding and putting it away.
• Keep the kitchen clean while I cook--Sir helps me clean, but make it easier on us both.
• Clean the litter box each morning.

Attitude:

• I will have a positive attitude each day.
• I will not allow stupid things to negatively impact my attitude.

Personal:

• Keep nails trimmed and polished to avoid picking at imperpections.
• Shave and trim as needed.
• Give myself a pedicure once a  month (minimum).
• Complete bedtime ritual nightly. This includes washing face, applying creams, brushing teeth, flossing, using mouthwash, and brushing out hair.
• Remember that I am a symbol of Sir and should comport myself as such.
• Wear a skirt at least once a week.

Punishment:

• Sir does not believe in punishment as such, but will consider witholding sex, sexual release, my ability to serve Him, or anything else as a viable alternative.

These are my promises to Sir and to myself, made in good faith and love.

Obey

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A Day of Service

Yesterday was supposed to be my first day of "housewifery" since I don't start the new job until next week. I was going to go shopping with my Mom and then pick up a few things from the grocery store, hopefully beating Sir home. It ended up being an epic shopping-fest and I didn't make it through the door until almost 5:30. Sir was not upset, since he knows I needed new clothes, but I was upset because I had wanted to be home in time for him. He did comment that he was not expecting me to wear my skirt all day, and that he was impressed when I explained it was because he told me to be in a skirt when he came home and I wasn't sure if I would beat him there or not.

After a rushed dinner of breakfast potatoes and eggs, I was told not to forget my plug time for the evening. I made it through an hour and fifteen minutes before begging out. Today I need to wear my Ben Wa balls--for the entire day--and be all prettied up when Sir gets home. I get the feeling that Sir is going to tear my clothes off. Not that I mind. And yesterday, when I stood up to clear the table from dinner, Sir handed me his plate before I could reach for it. He has gotten so used to me clearing it for him that he knows I will take it--I felt like such an accomplished sub. :)

Orders for today were to finish the laundry. I'm going to have it all folded and put away for him as well, plus organize all my new things for work. I've also been cleaning up around the house so that we can enjoy the weekend together. The downstairs is completely done except for the kitchen, which will probably only take about ten more minutes. Upstairs needs to be vaccuumed and dusted, and our office needs to be straightened up a little. Our guest room needs some more serious work though. We are trying to dump the extra bedset we have, since we will hopefully *knock on wood* be trying to turn it into a nursery at some point in the next year or two. No chance trying until next year at the earliest, but we do need to get used to not having the space for our storage. I mean, my storage. :)

If all goes to plan this afternoon, I will be Little Miss 50s Housewife when Sir comes home from work. Hopefully Sir won't be too tired to play...

Always his,
HLA

On Sir's Orders

Sir's orders for me today include getting the laundry done (and I'm assuming fold it and put it away), work out, figure out a dessert for Sunday, wear my plug for an hour and a half today and tomorrow since I didn't do it yesterday (with permission) due to seeing a friend all day, and being ready in a skirt when he comes home. I'm sure he'll give me a location later on today. Here's hoping its the bedroom!

My new job starts next week and I have a week in between. So far, I have cleaned out the fridge of anything too old or gross. We are in desperate need of groceries, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Bonus-the fridge is so empty it is very easy to clean. I'm going to pick up some essentials this afternoon and then go major shopping tomorrow.

So much to do--so much time to do it in. :P

Always his,
HLA

On the Right Track

After our discussion the other day, Sir and I are doing much better in terms of the D/s dynamic. I still haven't given him my explanation of what I am looking for out of this, but I feel like I may not need to anymore. It's like something clicked and now he gets it. :)

He has given me some orders for this week. I am to wear my butt plug for one hour each day this week, with proof being shown to him upon his arrival home--meaning it needs to be going in or coming out when he is present. I am to wear skirts or dresses Thursday and Friday and be "ready and waiting" when he comes home from work. I think I am going to go all in and start kneeling. Not sure if he will like this or not, but I think he will like it. Especially if he is in the right mood. Wink. I am also to wear my Ben Wa ball all day on Friday, being able to remove them only if they interfere with the plug. Haven't worn them both, so we aren't sure if they will be a problem. I am also to move up to the medium sized plug on Friday. The final request is for me to buy new underwear. The stuff I have is very old and not very sexy. This is to be everyday underwear, but something nice.

Sir ordered me to suck him yesterday afternoon, and then wanted to have sex--I wasn't really in the mood and told him this when he asked why I didn't seem as into it as I usually am. I said I was neutral but if he wanted to use me, go ahead. He was hesitant, but after I assured him it was ok, that the idea of him just using me was turning me on, he went ahead and took care of himself. I think that was the only time we have ever messed around where I haven't finished. I told him I had a mental orgasm :) because the idea of him just having his way with me and using me for his pleasure was a major turn on.

Plus, he made sure I finished this morning. Not wearing underwear to bed is very conducive to morning sex.

Always his,
HLA

Why?

So Sir and I had a discussion about this new D/s dynamic the other day. We were both cranky (me more than him), so it didn't go very well. He said that he felt like I am only into being a sub when I already want to do whatever it is he asks of me. So basically, he feels like I am topping from the bottom (hopefully that usage is correct). Which got me thinking--why do I hesitate to do what he asks sometimes? Why do I sometimes get cranky when he asks me to do things for him? And then it hit me: I have always had a hard time trusting people and I still don't trust him entirely. I mean, I know I would do anything for him (except bring his dishes into the kitchen sometimes, apparently, haha), and I love him more than anything else, but when it comes down to letting someone else basically control my actions...that line in the sand just gets closer and closer and I fight back.

I was screwed over and lied to in my last relationship and I think that really scarred my ability to trust. Add to that a childhood of one parent lying or exaggerating to make the other one look bad, and the other one being hundreds of miles away due to a divorce--my patterns of trust were stretched, if not broken.

So after me being very upset and trying to "call off" the whole D/s thing because it felt like he didn't like it and that I was a freak, he calmed me down and explained that he knows I like it, that he likes it too, and that he wants sort of a list/explanation of what I want out of this. For the record, I told him we should sit down and hash this out forever ago, but he said that was dumb. :P

So my task for this next week, since today is MY LAST DAY AT WORK until I start my new job, is to figure out how to explain why I love this and what I need out of it. Easy, right?

Always his,
HLA

Two in a Row

So yesterday it happened again. Only this time it was Sir who did the seducing.

He took my shirt away, which is cool. And my bra. And then we watched a movie while he teased me the entire time. After that, things get blurry. I know he ordered me to climb on top of him, which I did, and then he ordered me to suck him, which I did. I don't usually like to go from him being in me to in my mouth, but I do as Sir commands. :)

So then we started wrestling and somehow I ended up pantiless and pinned under him. At some point, he flipped around and shoved himself in my mouth, using his tongue on me while pinning my arms down. This was quite possibly the best oral I have ever had/given. The feeling of him in my throat, knowing he was simultaneously at my mercy and yet in total control of me, was unbelievable. I'm greatly looking forward to next time.

After that, we went upstairs, where he decided that since my ass was still sore from the night before, I would have to have matching parts. He left my ass alone, since it was still very sore, and focused everything elsewhere. He tortured me with the vibrator, letting our rule slip this once, and did that THREE times. Then he shoved it inside, followed quickly by himself, whispering dirty things in my ear the entire time.

I forgot to mention that this entire time, he had been ordering me not to come without permission. I've never done that before, and thought it was impossible. I've read about it on other blogs and in naughty books, but I didn't think anyone could actually do it. I was wrong. And it feels soooo good, coming on command. On HIS command. Anyway....

So I'm completely bursting with him and and vibrator, and he tells me that he knows I am imagining that I am being fucked by two guys, and I should imagine a third telling me to suck him off--Sir would NEVER allow this under ANY circumstance in real life, but the mental image is quite appealing. He made me beg to come, and while I have never done that before, I was begging as though my life depended on it.

Afterward, we had some ice cream sundaes and a good time was had by all. He also gave me a new order--once I am done with my current job, I am not allowed to wear PJs to bed anymore, barring certain "lady events." Because that's just gross.

Currently on my bookshelf: Burn by Maya Banks. OMG I love this woman's books. SO naughty, yet a solid plotline and mostly believable (albeit very lucky and highly unusual) characters. Also, the idea of a collar really intrigues me, no doubt from my reading material. Sir and I are married, but I feel like a collar is like a wedding ring for sexual love, not just emotional love. I married him because I love him, but a collar is more sexually confined--that I am HIS, inside and out. Obviously a wedding ring does this, but when I think of wedding rings, the image is much more vanilla. And now I'm blathering on. Hopefully that makes sense.

Always His,
HLA

Seducing Sir

Everytime I sat down today, I was reminded of what Sir did to me yesterday.

Things started off nicely after we both got off of work and got home. We had dinner, started a movie, poured a drink or two--I made Sir a vodka lemonade and accidentally poured in way too much vodka. Not that he minded. So were both feeling very relaxed and decided that it had been a while since our last bedroom encounter, and decided that tonight sounded good. Earlier in the evening, after dinner, he had ordered me out of my shirt and pants and said that I had to wear just my bra and underwear for the rest of the night. I was very turned on by his Domminess (as we refer to it now), and eagerly complied.

We were snuggling on the couch when I decided to give him a blow job, and then he decided we were going upstairs to play with some toys. He told me to surprise him so I pulled out my smallest plug and put that in, then grabbed my vibrator and started playing with that, knowing full well what our rules for my vibrator are. I get to use my vibrator (or have it used on me) in exchange for anal. Needless to say, he was rather excited, and ended up taking it from me and giving me three amazing orgasms in a row. I mean, my legs were shaking and I was weak for the rest of the night. After he took care of me, it was his turn, as promised by the vibrator usage. I have been sore for almost 24 hours now, and I love it.

Other Dommy things he has done recently: asked me to bathe him (he was feeling very lazy after work and I know I love it when he bathes me (which isn't very often)), given me a list of things to do for the days when I am between jobs, given permission/ordered me to buy new underwear and bras, and generally has been more dominating as a whole.

I have been considering creating a "chore chart" for myself since my hours will be so different. I want to make sure that the caretaking of the house doesn't suffer, since that is part of my duties. I'm thinking of making a list of all the stuff I need to get done to the house on a weekly basis and then breaking it up into chunks so that I don't have to spend my weekends (and time with Sir) cleaning around the house. I mean, time I have to do laundry or dishes is time that could be spent getting spanked and stuff. Everyone wins. I also need to rework my goals and clarify Sir's rules, since he actually sort of gave me some. He thinks its silly to write them out, but I am a visual person and I need to see them.

Also, Sir really likes it when I text him and call him Sir. I think he likes giving orders via text as well. I've called him Sir out loud as well and he likes that too. I've never really had a nickname for him, but Sir seems to fit perfectly. I guess fate was waiting for me to figure out D/s so I could call him Sir instead of hon or sweetie. Ugh. Sir just fits.

Always His,
HLA

My Last Official Day Off

Today is my last official day off before I start my new job. So excited!

Sir and I have made a list of things that I/we need to get done before I start. My new hours are going to be very different from my current ones, so I want the house to be as clean and painless-to-use as possible. I think when the house is clean, we are both less stressed. So my list includes cleaning up our office (which is nice because then I can actually update more often), deep cleaning my parts of the bedroom and bathroom (my stuff tends to spread out and Sir has 'given' me our guest bathroom so I can get ready for work in the mornings without moving all of his stuff), going through my entire wardrobe and getting rid of things that don't fit, are stained, worn, etc. The list goes on, and on, and on. I think in the end it will be a HUGE help though.

Sir has started to refer to our arrangement in more direct terms, which makes me happy. He refers to his Dom side as "being all Dommy" and said I was being a "good sub" the other morning when I brought him his coffee. :)

So much to do, so little time. The office is done though. I cleaned up the pet area, put away all the paperwork, aired out the closet, and started a hamper of clothes to get rid of. Updating my blog was my reward.

I will also be renewing my goals of improving my health and well-being on September 1st. This will coincide with my new job and I will have had a few days off between jobs to get started. Just having gotten this job was a huge bump to my self-confidence and I want to keep it going and use that positive energy to keep improving myself. Working my current job drove me into counseling, for crying out loud, and I don't want to have to go back.

Wishing myself a productive day! You too!

Always His,
HLA

A Weekend Off

I start my new job in a few weeks. I am super excited. Every time I think about the fact that I can count my days left at my current job, I feel like I am dreaming.

This weekend is going to be a busy one for Sir and I. We have friends coming in from out of town, we are hanging out with both of our families, and we have to clean up the house. I'm also trying to make a list (Sir is helping) of things that I need to get done before I start my new job. I'm going to need to wear business casual every day (which is something we are both excited about in more ways than one), but my closet is currently arranged based on my work clothing at the moment (plain, boring, not at all dressy). I need to go through the clothes I have stashed around the house (sweaters, winter stuff, dresses, etc) and get rid of things that don't fit, I won't wear, or are stained/worn. I also need to make a priority list of things to do around the house--my work hours will be changing drastically and I need to sort of streamline my life. I need to go through the bathrooms and get rid of old stuff, trash, things we don't need. I need to reorganize our linen closet/extras closet (when things like shampoo are on sale, I buy a couple at a cheap price). I need to go through and clean up my makeup things--not that I have to wear more makeup at my new job, but I like wearing it and my current job is too physical. It just sweats off.

Sir has developed a new Dom signal. He really likes coffee, and when I bring him a cup, he usually wants a refill at some point. He simply hands the cup to me and knows that I know what he wants. I like it. Also, he put the final glaze on my paddle. It is all shiny and pretty.

So much to do...and I need to keep up with my blog-reading. Maybe even comment one of these days.

Always His,
HLA

Power Tools

My last post ended with Sir making some sort of object in our basement with power tools. What happened next was rather entertaining and very dirty.

Sir made me a paddle.

He used it on a very excited sub to great results, including the most formalized verbalization of our arrangement yet. He seems to enjoy being my Dom, and I really like that he is finally getting to be more comfortable with it. He did some "research" about the whole Dom-sub thing online and seemed to be interested.

Sir did decide that I am not allowed to use my vibrator for clitoral orgasm unless we are also going for booty play. :)  It will be my reward.

During our first paddle experience, Sir tied me up as well. I had some impressive marks on my wrists, but they faded quickly. Sad face.

Things in the BDSM department over the past week have been slow. This was in major part due to...drumroll...I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You really have no idea how excited I am. Sir is also very happy and proud. Plus I will have to dress up, which he really enjoys. But mostly I won't be at my current place of employment much longer.

Always His,
HLA

Slow steps

Yesterday was three days in a row at the gym. :) 

I have determined that the pedometer I wore at work the other day is horribly inaccurate. I mean, I am all for tacitly accepting the proposal that I did walk nearly 30,000 steps, but I feel like that is too much. I walk A LOT at work, but not quite that much. I feel like 20,000 is more accurate. I don't feel like shelling out 10-20$ for a new pedometer though. Oh well.

I have done well with my bedtime ritual over the past couple days. I got a new night cream a couple weeks ago and I think I can see a difference now. I need to switch back to my regular one in the mornings because the night cream has no SPF built in. Us pale people need our SPF!

Bloodwork came back. I do not have celiac disease, which is awesome. I think that leaves the fact that I am vaguely lactose-intolerant though. Must work to nail this down because I'm sick of feeling crappy after eating. My thyroid medication is allegedly keeping me in the zone. Not sure why my hair is thinning then, but I will be seeing a dermatologist in a few weeks so maybe she can help. If not, I will be seeing my doctor again to recheck my levels in a couple months, and maybe she can think of something else. I also need a haircut. My hair is getting too long and heavy again--making it look thinner than it is. The other blood tests came back good--my sugars are good, iron is good (thanks to vitamins), and the only "bad" things are my total cholesterol and my bad cholesterol (HDL or LDL, I can never remember). They are both only about 10 points above the good level, so I am not too far gone for fixing.

Dinners have been planned well recently, as per Sir's vegetable directive following the pseudo-appendix incident of last weekend. Yesterday's dinner was a recreation of a restaurant dish with mushrooms, onion, red pepper sauce, and chicken. So good. I used whole wheat pasta too, so that takes a little of the carb-phobia out.

I have an interview next week for a new job! I have a feeling that I will get this one. Not to jinx it. I had such a migraine from work today--two Aleve and a shot of vodka to wash it down. Kidding about the vodka. But it crossed my mind.

Sir and I watched Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhall last night. Overall, I was kind of disappointed at the portrayal of Lee as a crazy girl, but once she stopped cutting herself, I was more interested. Not that cutting yourself makes you crazy. I used to scratch myself  until not too long ago, and I don't think I am crazy. Lee's character just seemed so unsure of herself, so childish at times. Her posture in particular just screamed I HAVE NO SELF WORTH. I think it takes a strong person to be a submissive and I think she could have been written differently. I did like the last fifteen minutes where he tests her and leaves with instructions not to lift her feet.

Sir has made me a list of things to do on my next day off (!). He has never physically written out a list for me. I feel strangely excited. I think one thing I like about the idea of submission is the giving up of control to someone you trust. I have had trust issues with Sir at the beginning of our relationship (because I got screwed over by my ex, not anything Sir did), and I think this is the ultimate show of trust and respect.

Sir just wandered down into the basement with a funny look on his face. I asked him jokingly if he was working on something pervy (my code word for something D/s with him, since he is more vanilla than not still). He blushed and started smiling. Now I hear power tools, so either he was lying or I am in for some fun later.

Always his,
HLA

Addendum

So I am really proud of myself. I had a long day at work, I was tired and cranky, and had to stop at the house first to drop something off, but I went to the gym! I'm glad I did, but I feel like it takes up an inordinate amount of time, which is stupid. I stay for half an hour but by the time I get home and showered, it is time for dinner to be eaten. Not made, eaten. So Sir is going to have to okay with eating dinner later than we usually do. He wanted me to work out, and being healthy (and losing weight) is important to both of us. The weight concern is mostly me. Sir says I look fine.

So I burned around 330 calories today at the gym. If I go every weekday, that is an average of 1650 calories burned per week. That is if I do nothing extra, like use our stationary bike or do a workout video or go for a walk/jog (once it isn't hellish outside). So that is about a pound every two weeks, with no changes to diet or extra stuff. I'm hoping to be down to 150 at some point. That is my goal end weight--because that is a weight I remember being at and feeling good about the way I look. I'm hoping to make significant progress by the time our vacation comes around. There will be swimsuit-needed activites and I want to buy a new one.

Always his,
HLA

All Tied Up

Sir had a day off yesterday. I did not. So when I came home from work, he was ready for me. After instructing me to get cleaned up (I insisted on taking a full shower), I emerged from the bathroom to find a black bra, black cheekies, and black lace stockings laid on the bed, along with a selection of toys and a note that said "Surprise Me." After a moment, I picked one of the toys and placed it, then sat on the edge of the bed to wait. I was going to kneel on the floor, but I figured that was too much. Plus it was dark, and I looked kind of creepy sitting there on the floor in my get-up.

So Sir came upstairs (finally), and commenced with the fun. Kissing, stroking, sucking, and then he bent me over the bed and pulled my arms behind my back. He used a long piece of rope to tie my hands tightly, then pushed me to my knees and ordered me to suck him. I was happy to oblige. When he had enough, he pulled me up and helped me to the bed, taking me until he was satisfied.

I thought we were finished, but no. Not even close. He then took out my favorite pink toy, a vibrator, and proceeded to give me four clitoral orgasms. I thought I was going to die. It was heavenly. When I couldn't move anymore, he finally put the toy away and began the task of untying me. I had marks on my wrists all night, and was afraid they wouldn't fade in time for work. I love when he marks me as his.

Today is August 1. New month, new start. I will work out today. I will eat right. I will follow my ritual tonight before bed. I am a positive, motivated person working toward my best ME.

Always his,
HLA

Alas, date night!

The first weekend Sir and I have had off together in months--and luck was not on our side. Sir felt sick on Friday, and I had some sort of horrific stomach ailment Saturday and Sunday. I thought I was going to have to go the hospital for appendicitis. So after spending 14 hours in bed between Saturday and Sunday, complete with agonizing stomach pain and fever and chills, I was not in the mood (or physically capable) of sexy time. Sad face. I couldn't even stand up straight until yesterday. Ugh.

Still waiting on the results of my bloodwork a couple weeks ago. Hopefully it comes soon, with a new prescription, because I only have 6 days of my Synthroid left. Also, it would be nice to know what is going on. Good news--I had nearly $700 of tests done, and as of right now, I only have to pay $20. Nice! I was so worried I was going to bankrupt us.

On the health front, I need to eat more fiber. Sir and I think that might be why I was so sick this weekend.

I feel like I'm being a terrible submissive lately. I overthink everything and then nothing ends up getting done. This weekend was a total waste, since I was in agony for most of it. I got nothing done around the house and haven't really worked out in a couple days. I still don't feel 100% better, so I skipped the gym again today. I'm hoping to go tomorrow.

Sir has set a new goal for this week. We must have something fiber-full at every dinner. This mostly means more vegetables. Vegetables are expensive, which is annoying. They literally grow on trees, or bushes, or in the ground. Whatever. They should be cheaper!!

On the sexy time front, Sir and I are probably going to watch Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhall this evening. We were supposed to watch it this weekend, but with me sleeping for most of it, that didn't happen. I'm trying to make up for it (I know getting sick isn't my fault, but I still feel bad) by cleaning up the house and getting things taken care of that have been on the list for a while. So far, I have dusted, scrubbed the kitchen, put away dishes, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, vacuumed the whole house, cleaned up the office, and made the menu and shopping list for this week. I still need to actually get off my butt and get cleaned up and go shopping for groceries. Getting a load of laundry done would be nice as well.

I also researched some stuff for our vacation this fall. I found a bunch of places to stay and tons to do. Its going to be interesting going on vacation with the in-laws. We've never done this before, and I don't know what to expect. I'm sure it will be fun though.

My goals this week:
Go to the gym Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. NO EXCUSES.
Get enough sleep. Remember the bedtime ritual.
Stop drinking coffee every morning. Have orange juice sometimes. See if this helps stop migraines.
Apply for two jobs by Saturday.

Always his,
HLA

Reflecting on my Goals

Monday is going to be my new day for reflection on my goals. I am going to work on thinking about it as reflecting on them, rather than passing or failing. With that in mind, I am refining them and making them more streamlined.

General:

• Try not to trash the kitchen while cooking. Sir cleans up after I cook (because he wants to) and I should make it easier for him. Clean as I go.
• Do not be bitchy for no apparent reason. Do not take bitchiness out on Sir.
• Spend less time on electronic devices.
• Blog once a day (at least).
• Prep Sir's coffee each night before bed. *ritual*

Health/Well-being:

• Go to gym every day, unless closed or work schedule prevents it.
• Take vitamins every day.
• One snack allowed each day. (I have a problem with grazing. I also have hypothyroidism and trouble losing weight. I also really like food.)
• Add more vegetables and fruits to diet.
• Make an effort to vary the weekly menu.
• Weight loss goal: get my BMI to the outer edge of the healthy category. Lose 30 pounds of fat, as per the gym device that measures fat.

Finances:

• Go through all weekly ads to find best prices on food for the week.
• Buy lunch out at work no more than once per week. PLAN AHEAD!
• Go through weekly coupons and remember to use them.
• Keep the checkbook updated.

Personal:

• Shave/trim as needed.
• Wear skirts more often. Start at once a week.
• Get up with Sir on days I work and make us a good breakfast.
• Continue learning about D/s and be more open with Sir about what I want/think he would enjoy.

Along with the coffee, I am adding two more rituals to my daily list. One is to find and use the rubber band method to keep myself from saying the F word and from being super depressed about my abysmal job. Ritual 2 is a bedtime ritual. I will allow 30 minutes prior to me hopefully being asleep to brush my teeth, using floss and mouthwash, wash my face, apply night cream (trying to fade scars on my easily scarring face), and read (if time allows). Before beginning this, I will prep the coffee maker and start filtering the water. Just before reading/getting into bed, I will finish coffee prep.


Other things going on this week: I should be getting my blood test results back from my doctor about my thyroid, possibly increasing my Synthroid dosage, figuring out any other vitamin deficiencies, and generally getting my health in some kind of order. I asked off for the vacation Sir and I are taking with his parents this autumn, and have decided to stop going to therapy. I think it has served its purpose and I really just need to FIND A NEW JOB!

On that note, I rewrote my resume and took it, along with the most recent cover letter I wrote, to my therapist for her opinion. She said everything looked great and I just need to keep putting out apps. So that is good news.

I am also plotting a date night for Sir this weekend. I haven't had a full weekend (Sat-Sun) off in months, so I am trying to figure out what to do for a nice, romantic, relaxing date night. Chocolate will be involved--possibly even eaten. Hahaha. I think a fancy dinner on our wedding china with a fancy dessert and a good movie will be a nice change for us. Now to do it as cheaply as possible---that will be the trick.

Always his,
HLA

Finishing 30 days and random musings

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

 

Not for me, but I can see the appeal. You can engage or not engage to whatever degree you feel comfortable.

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Not yet, but I can't really think how they would manifest into the kink activites. "Here, let me spank you with this cookbook..."

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

I like to wear one of my "outfits." These are satiny, lacy things that make me feel sexy and sensual. They don't usually stay on very long, but they help set my mood and make me feel confident.

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Sir calls me a few different pet names in vanilla-land, but usually sticks with "my dirty girl" or "naughty girl" or something like that. I think they help distinguish between a scene and our everyday lives together. If Sir called me a whore upon my return home from work, I would be kind of pissed. But when he does it during sex, its hot.

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

I really like the idea of submission in relation to my marriage. I think it forces me to think about my actions as more a reflection of Sir than of myself. It forces me to be less selfish, to think of him first. I also think it has made me more confident and sure of myself, since I am sure of this very private facet of my life. Its like when you wear matching underwear--only you know it, but it makes you feel more sure. Maybe that is just me...

I'd really like to get the guts to comment and get involved with the other blogs I read. They are all smart, funny ladies who I think I would be friends with in real life.

Belated Check-in and updates

I am two days late for my Sunday check-in, but things have been busy around here lately. My birthday, crazy work schedules, and life in general got in the way. Moving on...

 

Sunday Check-in:

 

Health and Wellbeing--have lost about 3 pounds. Got my blood drawn the other day so hopefully we can get my thyroid under control and figure out anything else I need to do. They are running some vitamin checks and a celiac test, so I will know if I need to worry about any of that.

 

Financial--have been making an effort to spend less money and to plan out meals so that we don't have to rely on a bare pantry or just go out. This week's splurge is a crock-pot meal with a fair amount of meat in it. Meat is expensive, and we don't eat it that often unless it is on sale or something, but this sounded great to Sir and I.

 

Personal--had a mini-meltdown yesterday after getting off from work. Had a terrible day for many diverse reasons, and then just started bawling on my way home and continued after getting into the house and exploding the whole thing to Sir. I am so sick of my job. I hate it. I hate it. I got some books from the library about how to revamp your resume and things like that. I will be reworking my stuff and trying again. Even though part of me thinks this is useless, that I have had several interviews and gotten nothing back from any of them.

 

Sir had a plan for me on Sunday when I got home. That was why I forgot to update. You'll see why. He texted me before I left work, telling me that when I got home, I was to immediately go upstairs and freshen up, then wait for him on the bed. He told me he had laid out everything I would need in the bathroom and that I should also put on the clothes he left on the bed. After flying home, I opened the door and hurried up to get ready. He had laid out everything for me, and laid out my corset from our wedding and a pair of white cheeky boyshorts. I rinsed off under a cold shower to cool off and laid down on the bed after pulling on the outfit he chose. After a few minutes, he came upstairs and began the most BDSM scene we had ever done. It was wonderful. He ordered me to my knees to take him in my mouth, he tied me up with some old silk ties, he tortured me with my vibrator, and oh, yes, he spanked me with a belt. He seemed to get really into it, and I could tell he was afraid of hurting me, but it was glorious. GLORIOUS. The whole thing was so much fun and so intense. I'm actually wondering if perhaps my meltdown yesterday was some sort of subdrop from Sunday. Anyway, he seemed very into the whole thing and I hope he does it again sometime.

 

I've got a house to straighten and clean up and things to watch on the DVR, so I'm off!

 

Always his,

HLA

 

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Taking care of myself

I had a doctor's appointment the other day. I haven't been to a regular doctor since I was little (my mom thinks check-ups are stupid) but I needed a refill for my thyroid medicine and had some questions that I wanted to ask a regular general doctor.

She ordered a ton of blood tests to check my thyroid levels and some other stuff to get a baseline for me. I'm really mostly concerned about my thyroid because over the past year, my hair has thinned noticeably. Sir has considered taking me to one of those laser hair places because it makes me so uncomfortable. My hair used to be so thick that if I didn't blow dry it, it wouldn't dry for a whole day. Now, I can air dry it for ten minutes and it is almost dry. So I have to go in soon and get the blood drawn so we can get to work on my thyroid.

Sir has been exhausted for several days now, so I have no sexy time reports. We haven't had a day off together for a while now so that is probably contributing as well. I've been trying to take special care of him and we will have some time this weekend, so I have good feelings about that.

I was on Submissive Guide the other day and there was an article about making your own mantra. So here is mine. I am a positive and motivated person who is working toward a better me!

Here are some more days of kink for you!


Day 23: Since getting into kink, how have your interests/perspectives changed?

I am more willing to try new things in general. Foods, movies, activities--I feel more free, I guess.

Day 24: Qualities I look for in a partner:

Caring, trustworthy, honest. My Sir is a very good match for me. Good thing we are married to each other.

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Not at all open with my family. Imagine a door, sealed with duct tape, backed by a cement wall. That's the mental image I get. The door that leads to my professional life is closed, but you can see light around the edges. Probably all the women at work have read Fifty Shades, and several more enjoy the Bared to You series--and the discussion of any future movies and who should play the male leads is as far as we go. The door that leads to Sir is cracked, and gets a little more open every day. He is still getting used to this, but I haven't scared him off so far.

Off to clean/shop/watch TV and do nothing. Wish me luck!

Always his,
HLA

Sir's Belt

Yesterday, Sir and I went out for dinner with his parents. As I was putting my makeup on, he proceeded to remove his belt and slowly wind it up in his hand before swatting my ass with it. I've never been hit with something, and it was lovely.

He seemed to like how red my ass got, and followed me around the room as I got ready to go, swatting at me the whole time. By the time we left the house, my ass was warm and very pink. It was very nice. I think Sir is getting into this more every day.

Sunday Rules Check-In:

General: I have made his coffee every morning (unless he is off the next day). I have attempted to clean the kitchen as I go, but our kitchen is very small and I need to keep working on this one. I'm planning a toss-out of stuff that I don't use very often so that should help. I have tried to not be as bitchy after work, which has been easier this week because I have been learning a new area. I have also only used the F word once or twice this week. I'm not counting thoughts. :)

Health: Work in progress. The menu is the only one I have really kept this week. Tomorrow begins GO TO THE EFFING (I'm working on it!) GYM week. If I do it every day I am able, I am going to buy myself some new eyeshadow.

Finances: Pretty good, actually. I bought lunch once this week, when a bunch of us ordered in. It was glorious and a perfect pick-me-up from work.

Personal: Skirts have improved Sir's mood. I think he likes knowing he has easy access. *insert wiggling eyebrows* Dental health was officially sanctioned by the dentist! D/s situation is good.

So I really just need to focus on GOING TO THE GYM. I want new eyeshadow!

Slow Start

It's been a rough week in terms of my rules. My job is very mentally and physically demanding, so I've not gone to the gym as many times as I should. Sir thinks I should aim for every weekday, which is fair, but then I actually go through the week and days don't work for various reasons. Closed for the holiday one day, I didn't feel well the other day, I had a dentist appointment and didn't get home until later than I anticipated. So basically I made excuses, some more valid than others. This weekend is also out because of visiting the in-laws. So I will start on Monday with a fresh slate.

I do enjoy these 30 days of kink. They make me think about why I like this lifestyle, even if I am still struggling with certain aspects of it. Here's more!

Day 21: Favorite BSDM book

I've read lots of Maya Banks, I just finished the first book of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy, I've read the Bared to You series (which isn't really BSDM but is more erotic lit), and of course, the Fifty Shades that started it all. I would have to say that Fifty Shades (the first book) is my favorite, just because I really identify with Ana as she learns about all this crazy stuff and ends up liking it. Maya Banks' Fever and Rush were also very good. They made me mentally picture a threesome, and I must admit that the idea is intriguing. Am I far too jealous of a person to actually do this in real life? Probably. Is Sir also too jealous for RL? Almost certainly.

Day 22: How to keep a BDSM relationship healthy vs. vanilla relationships

BDSM relationships require more patience. I'm not a patient person, but I have learned already that I need to work on that for Sir. He needs me to be patient with him as he works this idea into his head. Our version of D/s revolves mostly around sex right now, but I have started calling him Sir in text messages and sometimes out loud. I can tell it makes him a little uncomfortable but I can also tell he likes it. So patience is needed when I have to back off because he's uncomfortable. Vanilla relationships are similar to BSDM and I don't really feel like anything else pops into my head. Communication, trust, love, etc are needed in both.



I think I might add a weekly rule check-in so that I can consciously sit down and go over how I have done in each category. Probably on Sundays. I need that kind of personal accountability.

Always his,
HLA