Power Tools

My last post ended with Sir making some sort of object in our basement with power tools. What happened next was rather entertaining and very dirty.

Sir made me a paddle.

He used it on a very excited sub to great results, including the most formalized verbalization of our arrangement yet. He seems to enjoy being my Dom, and I really like that he is finally getting to be more comfortable with it. He did some "research" about the whole Dom-sub thing online and seemed to be interested.

Sir did decide that I am not allowed to use my vibrator for clitoral orgasm unless we are also going for booty play. :)  It will be my reward.

During our first paddle experience, Sir tied me up as well. I had some impressive marks on my wrists, but they faded quickly. Sad face.

Things in the BDSM department over the past week have been slow. This was in major part due to...drumroll...I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You really have no idea how excited I am. Sir is also very happy and proud. Plus I will have to dress up, which he really enjoys. But mostly I won't be at my current place of employment much longer.

Always His,
HLA

Reflecting on my Goals

Monday is going to be my new day for reflection on my goals. I am going to work on thinking about it as reflecting on them, rather than passing or failing. With that in mind, I am refining them and making them more streamlined.

General:

• Try not to trash the kitchen while cooking. Sir cleans up after I cook (because he wants to) and I should make it easier for him. Clean as I go.
• Do not be bitchy for no apparent reason. Do not take bitchiness out on Sir.
• Spend less time on electronic devices.
• Blog once a day (at least).
• Prep Sir's coffee each night before bed. *ritual*

Health/Well-being:

• Go to gym every day, unless closed or work schedule prevents it.
• Take vitamins every day.
• One snack allowed each day. (I have a problem with grazing. I also have hypothyroidism and trouble losing weight. I also really like food.)
• Add more vegetables and fruits to diet.
• Make an effort to vary the weekly menu.
• Weight loss goal: get my BMI to the outer edge of the healthy category. Lose 30 pounds of fat, as per the gym device that measures fat.

Finances:

• Go through all weekly ads to find best prices on food for the week.
• Buy lunch out at work no more than once per week. PLAN AHEAD!
• Go through weekly coupons and remember to use them.
• Keep the checkbook updated.

Personal:

• Shave/trim as needed.
• Wear skirts more often. Start at once a week.
• Get up with Sir on days I work and make us a good breakfast.
• Continue learning about D/s and be more open with Sir about what I want/think he would enjoy.

Along with the coffee, I am adding two more rituals to my daily list. One is to find and use the rubber band method to keep myself from saying the F word and from being super depressed about my abysmal job. Ritual 2 is a bedtime ritual. I will allow 30 minutes prior to me hopefully being asleep to brush my teeth, using floss and mouthwash, wash my face, apply night cream (trying to fade scars on my easily scarring face), and read (if time allows). Before beginning this, I will prep the coffee maker and start filtering the water. Just before reading/getting into bed, I will finish coffee prep.


Other things going on this week: I should be getting my blood test results back from my doctor about my thyroid, possibly increasing my Synthroid dosage, figuring out any other vitamin deficiencies, and generally getting my health in some kind of order. I asked off for the vacation Sir and I are taking with his parents this autumn, and have decided to stop going to therapy. I think it has served its purpose and I really just need to FIND A NEW JOB!

On that note, I rewrote my resume and took it, along with the most recent cover letter I wrote, to my therapist for her opinion. She said everything looked great and I just need to keep putting out apps. So that is good news.

I am also plotting a date night for Sir this weekend. I haven't had a full weekend (Sat-Sun) off in months, so I am trying to figure out what to do for a nice, romantic, relaxing date night. Chocolate will be involved--possibly even eaten. Hahaha. I think a fancy dinner on our wedding china with a fancy dessert and a good movie will be a nice change for us. Now to do it as cheaply as possible---that will be the trick.

Always his,
HLA

Belated Check-in and updates

I am two days late for my Sunday check-in, but things have been busy around here lately. My birthday, crazy work schedules, and life in general got in the way. Moving on...

 

Sunday Check-in:

 

Health and Wellbeing--have lost about 3 pounds. Got my blood drawn the other day so hopefully we can get my thyroid under control and figure out anything else I need to do. They are running some vitamin checks and a celiac test, so I will know if I need to worry about any of that.

 

Financial--have been making an effort to spend less money and to plan out meals so that we don't have to rely on a bare pantry or just go out. This week's splurge is a crock-pot meal with a fair amount of meat in it. Meat is expensive, and we don't eat it that often unless it is on sale or something, but this sounded great to Sir and I.

 

Personal--had a mini-meltdown yesterday after getting off from work. Had a terrible day for many diverse reasons, and then just started bawling on my way home and continued after getting into the house and exploding the whole thing to Sir. I am so sick of my job. I hate it. I hate it. I got some books from the library about how to revamp your resume and things like that. I will be reworking my stuff and trying again. Even though part of me thinks this is useless, that I have had several interviews and gotten nothing back from any of them.

 

Sir had a plan for me on Sunday when I got home. That was why I forgot to update. You'll see why. He texted me before I left work, telling me that when I got home, I was to immediately go upstairs and freshen up, then wait for him on the bed. He told me he had laid out everything I would need in the bathroom and that I should also put on the clothes he left on the bed. After flying home, I opened the door and hurried up to get ready. He had laid out everything for me, and laid out my corset from our wedding and a pair of white cheeky boyshorts. I rinsed off under a cold shower to cool off and laid down on the bed after pulling on the outfit he chose. After a few minutes, he came upstairs and began the most BDSM scene we had ever done. It was wonderful. He ordered me to my knees to take him in my mouth, he tied me up with some old silk ties, he tortured me with my vibrator, and oh, yes, he spanked me with a belt. He seemed to get really into it, and I could tell he was afraid of hurting me, but it was glorious. GLORIOUS. The whole thing was so much fun and so intense. I'm actually wondering if perhaps my meltdown yesterday was some sort of subdrop from Sunday. Anyway, he seemed very into the whole thing and I hope he does it again sometime.

 

I've got a house to straighten and clean up and things to watch on the DVR, so I'm off!

 

Always his,

HLA

 

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Work Vent

I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job.

I love my house. I love having food. I love my health insurance (which is apparently very good). I love being able to contribute to our income.

These two sets of statements do not coincide very well in my head.

I have being seeing a therapist for the past six months because of a depression that my job was a main factor of. Everything I hate (almost) can be tied back to my job. I have low self-esteem because I feel like this job is the best thing I can get. I have a degree in a semi-stable career field, but am stuck in this hourly shit job that a high schooler could do. I have applied for manager positions. I have asked repeatedly to be moved up within the company. I have applied for other entry level positions at other places. Nothing. In the past year I have put in dozens of applications and have gotten exactly four interviews. Four. Am I really that shitty?

Driving home from work today, I found myself crying because I would rather be dead than keep working at my job for five more years. My job makes me think less of myself, makes me question every major decision in my life. Should I have even gone to college? I'd be in the same boat I am now, but I wouldn't be looking beyond my current position. Will Sir and I ever be able to afford to have kids? We both want them, desperately. We have names in mind. Sir bought a monster shaped night light on clearance somewhere a year ago. The trouble is how we would afford day care because infant daycare in our area costs more than I make. It would be cheaper for us if I quit my job to take care of the kid. If I worked, we would be losing money. People keep telling us that if we wait until we can afford it, we will never do it. I want to slap them. Sorry for waiting until I can support my family. Sorry we don't want to be like those people with eight kids, no jobs, and 3K in food stamps per month.

I feel like giving up hope of ever finding a different job. The chances of me getting a job in my field are pretty much nothing. There are so many graduating classes between me and the new grads that there is no chance they would hire me over one of them. Putting in applications feels like a waste of time. No one ever calls back. No one ever wants to talk.

I'm really hoping for that one call from that one person who has a job for me. One person, one perfect opportunity. I work hard at my job, for nothing. No one notices. No one appreciates it. I want to work somewhere I am proud to announce. Not my usual, I work at Company X. Oh, yes, my job is very nice. Because what the hell am I supposed to say? I hope that mother effing place goes up in smoke. They can kiss my ass. People frown on that kind of openness and honesty.

Here's hoping for THAT call. And if you are in the same boat as me, I'm toasting to you too. Here's to not throwing in the towel quite yet.