My gifts from Sir arrived in the mail the other day. One pink butt plug and one ben wa ball. The butt plug is VERY nice--It is a Doc Johnson one with a sort of handle and narrowed end that leads to the handle...so it will stay in. Which it does. Sir told me I could try one of them out last night, but only one. I chose the butt plug. I put it in and walked around, shocked that it actually stayed in. He made me go downstairs and then come back upstairs to see if it would stay, and it did. I'm so excited. I think he will make me wear it this weekend when we go shopping.
Tomorrow is skirt day...I am supposed to wear a skirt at least once a week to work and I have been slacking.
Since I seem to need more time to wake up in the morning, I am going to get up half an hour earlier tomorrow morning in the hopes of being awake enough to walk on the treadmill. I will also be bringing my ipod to work so that I can listen to music on my breaks and walk around outside, if it is nice. If not, I can walk around the corridors of the office. My lower back has been noticeably tighter and feels almost bruised--and I don't think that Sir is to blame. I sit at a desk almost all day, and I think maybe my ass muscles are atrophying or something. I'm going to look up a very SIMPLE (or I won't do it) yoga/stretch sequence for the mornings in the hopes of knocking the back pain out.
Apart from my complete and utter failure to do my damn workouts, I think that things are improving in terms of my submission. I really need to work out on Friday, if all else fails, because otherwise he won't let me wear my ben wa ball to work. Maybe he will join them together and let me wear both of them. That would make for an interesting day.
Gotta get some sleep if I plan on waking up early to get some treadmill time in tomorrow. Working on improving my bedtime ritual as well, and this shit takes time.
Always His,
His Lady Aurora
Showing posts with label submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label submission. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Gilding the Lily
I've always thought that phrase was interesting. At first glance, it means taking something perfect and beautiful and covering it with something even more precious and beautiful. When you think about it though, you are taking something delicate and vibrant and then slathering it with flaw-hiding metal. The lily underneath will inevitably waste away, leaving you with a hollow shell in the appearance of said lily.
Its been so long since I actively read any kind of blog, and longer since I updated. I considered just deleting this one and starting again, but that would just start the problem again. No one wants to discuss the sucky parts of their relationship, or the things that they fail at. I'll just be honest: Sir and I gradually stopped the D/s without really realizing it. His new job (thank God!!!) gives him much better hours, stable start-end work times, and a tenth of the amount of stress as his previous one. Combining that with the adjustments we were still working through with my new-ish (1 year!) job, and things just changed so much, so fast, that we were operating on fumes for months. Its very strange to suddenly have Sir home in the mornings with me, to be able to have breakfast together, to be able to stay out later, to get up later than 3am.
Looking back, I can see that my submission never really went away completely. I make breakfast and coffee each morning for the two of us. Sir would tell me to take X for lunch (leftovers, remind me to take a snack, etc.), and I would do it. I would make an effort to keep the house clean and usually spent half a day on the weekend doing a more detailed cleaning. And then one Friday afternoon, Sir decided that we should go shopping that night instead of the next morning. He went upstairs for a minute, and called me up to join him. He had laid out one of my skirts and a top on the bed, along with a pair of heels. He told me to go in the bathroom and freshen up, then come out and change into the outfit he had laid out. I did as he asked, feeling a jolt in my stomach at the sudden return of Sir. The excited kind of jolt. I came out of the bathroom and pulled off my shirt and pants, grabbing the skirt. Sir slapped my hand lightly. "I said you wear what is on the bed." I didn't get it. "Do you see underwear on the bed?"
No. No, I did not. So I didn't get to wear underwear. I had to walk around in a very flowy (albeit long) skirt, with NO UNDERWEAR all night. And it was awesome. I had missed this. When we had paid and were walking back to the car, I helped put the stuff in the trunk of our car and was about to push the cart back when Sir took the cart from me. "Stay right there," he said softly. "Feet together." I stood at the end of the car, feet together, as he pushed the cart back and walked to open my door. I remained where I was until he motioned me to get into the car. "Good girl."
On the ride home, he ordered me to flash him my lady bits, which I did. He pulled off into a secluded subdivision and drove slowly through the darkness as he told me to suck him. I had never attempted a car BJ before, but I did it. It's very adrenaline-inducing and I loved it.
Unfortunately, since that weekend of fun, we both caught a cold and some other upheavals. Nothing serious, but it cost us sleep and recuperation time from our colds. On the plus side, I've gone off the birth control pill and I think my sex drive is making up for lost time. I downloaded a period tracker/fertility tracker app for my phone to keep track of things (since we are hoping to have a baby at some point soon), and we have had sex five days in a row. We've been working the D/s thing back into things on a more conscious level, and the little squabbles and annoyances we had been having with the stress of the job changes and work hours have gone away (for the most part). We are happier. Happier with each other, less stressed, more apt to spend time actively with each other, not just watching TV or doing different things on the computer/phones.
Sir calls me P in his texts and notes. P for Possession, P for Princess. I need a better name for him. I feel like Sir is my default, the first title I ever heard in the D/s world. I want something that fits him perfectly, but that I can say with a straight face. I've thought of and dismissed several options. I'll find one eventually...in the meantime, Sir works fine.
Sir has informed me that he would like me to start preparing for dinner--I slacked off on cooking during our little dry spell too. I've gained about ten pounds since March and that is mostly due to eating garbage and not making ANY effort to eat healthy or get off my butt. I think getting off the pill is helping with my motivation issues as well, because Sir and I went for a long walk yesterday and then I walked on the treadmill this morning.
Here's to a fresh start and keeping things honest. Sometimes we will all slip up and slack off. The important thing is to get back up and kick some ass. Or have your ass spanked, if you like that sort of thing.
Always His,
His Lady Aurora
Its been so long since I actively read any kind of blog, and longer since I updated. I considered just deleting this one and starting again, but that would just start the problem again. No one wants to discuss the sucky parts of their relationship, or the things that they fail at. I'll just be honest: Sir and I gradually stopped the D/s without really realizing it. His new job (thank God!!!) gives him much better hours, stable start-end work times, and a tenth of the amount of stress as his previous one. Combining that with the adjustments we were still working through with my new-ish (1 year!) job, and things just changed so much, so fast, that we were operating on fumes for months. Its very strange to suddenly have Sir home in the mornings with me, to be able to have breakfast together, to be able to stay out later, to get up later than 3am.
Looking back, I can see that my submission never really went away completely. I make breakfast and coffee each morning for the two of us. Sir would tell me to take X for lunch (leftovers, remind me to take a snack, etc.), and I would do it. I would make an effort to keep the house clean and usually spent half a day on the weekend doing a more detailed cleaning. And then one Friday afternoon, Sir decided that we should go shopping that night instead of the next morning. He went upstairs for a minute, and called me up to join him. He had laid out one of my skirts and a top on the bed, along with a pair of heels. He told me to go in the bathroom and freshen up, then come out and change into the outfit he had laid out. I did as he asked, feeling a jolt in my stomach at the sudden return of Sir. The excited kind of jolt. I came out of the bathroom and pulled off my shirt and pants, grabbing the skirt. Sir slapped my hand lightly. "I said you wear what is on the bed." I didn't get it. "Do you see underwear on the bed?"
No. No, I did not. So I didn't get to wear underwear. I had to walk around in a very flowy (albeit long) skirt, with NO UNDERWEAR all night. And it was awesome. I had missed this. When we had paid and were walking back to the car, I helped put the stuff in the trunk of our car and was about to push the cart back when Sir took the cart from me. "Stay right there," he said softly. "Feet together." I stood at the end of the car, feet together, as he pushed the cart back and walked to open my door. I remained where I was until he motioned me to get into the car. "Good girl."
On the ride home, he ordered me to flash him my lady bits, which I did. He pulled off into a secluded subdivision and drove slowly through the darkness as he told me to suck him. I had never attempted a car BJ before, but I did it. It's very adrenaline-inducing and I loved it.
Unfortunately, since that weekend of fun, we both caught a cold and some other upheavals. Nothing serious, but it cost us sleep and recuperation time from our colds. On the plus side, I've gone off the birth control pill and I think my sex drive is making up for lost time. I downloaded a period tracker/fertility tracker app for my phone to keep track of things (since we are hoping to have a baby at some point soon), and we have had sex five days in a row. We've been working the D/s thing back into things on a more conscious level, and the little squabbles and annoyances we had been having with the stress of the job changes and work hours have gone away (for the most part). We are happier. Happier with each other, less stressed, more apt to spend time actively with each other, not just watching TV or doing different things on the computer/phones.
Sir calls me P in his texts and notes. P for Possession, P for Princess. I need a better name for him. I feel like Sir is my default, the first title I ever heard in the D/s world. I want something that fits him perfectly, but that I can say with a straight face. I've thought of and dismissed several options. I'll find one eventually...in the meantime, Sir works fine.
Sir has informed me that he would like me to start preparing for dinner--I slacked off on cooking during our little dry spell too. I've gained about ten pounds since March and that is mostly due to eating garbage and not making ANY effort to eat healthy or get off my butt. I think getting off the pill is helping with my motivation issues as well, because Sir and I went for a long walk yesterday and then I walked on the treadmill this morning.
Here's to a fresh start and keeping things honest. Sometimes we will all slip up and slack off. The important thing is to get back up and kick some ass. Or have your ass spanked, if you like that sort of thing.
Always His,
His Lady Aurora
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Making Routines
Since Sir's work hours have changed, my morning hours have also changed. I don't get to make him breakfast anymore, since he is long gone by the time I get out of bed. Like I mentioned in earlier posts, I haven't been following my (or Sir's) list of morning chores because of this, and also in part because I am lacking in motivation in the mornings.
So yesterday, I had some free time and decided to make some lists. I haven't done this in a while. I made a list of things I want to get done this weekend, a list of things I SHOULD get done this weekend, and a workout/health plan to get ready for October--since my GYN confirmed that I am not knocked up. In my secret Pinterest habit, I have been reading up on different aspects of having a baby and I think I am going to try to go natural. I also realized that in order to have the best chance of success at that, I am going to have to FINALLY get off my ass and get in shape.
So my healthy/baby plan includes a goal of 25 pounds of weight loss between June 1 and October 1. This is roughly one pound per week, plus a little extra. I made a workout plan of cardio, plus arm/leg exercises, plus one day of yoga/meditation (which I am really hoping will help with my headaches). The weekends are free days. Once our snack food stash (which is not very large to begin with) is gone, I will not be replenishing it. I will be buying more fruits and veggies for snacks. I am going to start weaning myself off of coffee, which I think may be behind my migraines. I will start with alternating coffee and tea, and will be drinking more water when at home. I drink plenty at work, but I notice that I never drink as much on the weekends or once I get home.
On to the kink!
Sir found an old pair of Easter bunny ears this morning while cleaning up this morning and handed them to me. I asked him why he was handing me bunny ears, and he said that if I didn't start doing more around the house, he was going to get me a pink leotard or something and glue a poofball tail to my ass and make me wear the ears around while I cleaned. His own personal Playboy bunny.
He also told me that he wants to bang me in the ass soon. He's been holding back because I haven't been feeling well and he has been stressed as hell, but I am thinking he is going to try it sometime this weekend. Can't say I'm not looking forward to it.
Always his,
HLA
So yesterday, I had some free time and decided to make some lists. I haven't done this in a while. I made a list of things I want to get done this weekend, a list of things I SHOULD get done this weekend, and a workout/health plan to get ready for October--since my GYN confirmed that I am not knocked up. In my secret Pinterest habit, I have been reading up on different aspects of having a baby and I think I am going to try to go natural. I also realized that in order to have the best chance of success at that, I am going to have to FINALLY get off my ass and get in shape.
So my healthy/baby plan includes a goal of 25 pounds of weight loss between June 1 and October 1. This is roughly one pound per week, plus a little extra. I made a workout plan of cardio, plus arm/leg exercises, plus one day of yoga/meditation (which I am really hoping will help with my headaches). The weekends are free days. Once our snack food stash (which is not very large to begin with) is gone, I will not be replenishing it. I will be buying more fruits and veggies for snacks. I am going to start weaning myself off of coffee, which I think may be behind my migraines. I will start with alternating coffee and tea, and will be drinking more water when at home. I drink plenty at work, but I notice that I never drink as much on the weekends or once I get home.
On to the kink!
Sir found an old pair of Easter bunny ears this morning while cleaning up this morning and handed them to me. I asked him why he was handing me bunny ears, and he said that if I didn't start doing more around the house, he was going to get me a pink leotard or something and glue a poofball tail to my ass and make me wear the ears around while I cleaned. His own personal Playboy bunny.
He also told me that he wants to bang me in the ass soon. He's been holding back because I haven't been feeling well and he has been stressed as hell, but I am thinking he is going to try it sometime this weekend. Can't say I'm not looking forward to it.
Always his,
HLA
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Sick Day
After struggling with what I thought was the super lame version of the office bug for a while, I woke up this morning with the mega-evil version. No voice. Coughing. Stuffed up. The works.
I called my boss to tell her I was sick, and I sounded so bad that I had to repeat myself about three times until she knew who I was and then twice to explain that I was sick. It was so much nicer calling in here than it was at Helljob. I only called in about three times over the many years I was there, and each time, they were hostile and uncaring. I always had nasal problems when I called in too, so it wasn't like I sounded fine. I always sounded like death, and they would just be like, oh. Great. Ok, bye. This time, I got a "oh no, sweetie, you sound terrible. I hope you feel better." It was nice.
So I chugged some Nyquil and went back to bed for a few hours. I'm currently sifting through my stuff on the TV and deciding whether to attempt to clean the house up or to rest. Luckily, I did a major clean up over the weekend, so it isn't too bad. Sir asked me to finish the laundry he started, so I might just finish that and get it all folded and put away.
Over the weekend, we also talked about revising my contract. He wrote it when I got my occasional long weekends and since I changed my hours, that won't really happen anymore. So I started to revise it, and got it almost done. It is just waiting his approval right now.
I went through and outlined expectations he has of me during the week, and added special ones for the weekend. We still need to go through it and talk about it all, but overall, I am pleased with it.
And I was so excited this morning to have my very first comment! Thank you, hispreciouspet!
And I added an email subscription on the right side of the blog. Enjoy!
Always His,
His Lady Aurora
I called my boss to tell her I was sick, and I sounded so bad that I had to repeat myself about three times until she knew who I was and then twice to explain that I was sick. It was so much nicer calling in here than it was at Helljob. I only called in about three times over the many years I was there, and each time, they were hostile and uncaring. I always had nasal problems when I called in too, so it wasn't like I sounded fine. I always sounded like death, and they would just be like, oh. Great. Ok, bye. This time, I got a "oh no, sweetie, you sound terrible. I hope you feel better." It was nice.
So I chugged some Nyquil and went back to bed for a few hours. I'm currently sifting through my stuff on the TV and deciding whether to attempt to clean the house up or to rest. Luckily, I did a major clean up over the weekend, so it isn't too bad. Sir asked me to finish the laundry he started, so I might just finish that and get it all folded and put away.
Over the weekend, we also talked about revising my contract. He wrote it when I got my occasional long weekends and since I changed my hours, that won't really happen anymore. So I started to revise it, and got it almost done. It is just waiting his approval right now.
I went through and outlined expectations he has of me during the week, and added special ones for the weekend. We still need to go through it and talk about it all, but overall, I am pleased with it.
And I was so excited this morning to have my very first comment! Thank you, hispreciouspet!
And I added an email subscription on the right side of the blog. Enjoy!
Always His,
His Lady Aurora
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Sir is Back
Not that he went anywhere, really. Just came back to the D/s "thing." The other day, he tied my hands up and made me get ready for bed whilst tied up. That was interesting. He was very impressed at my ability to prepare my toothbrush while tied up. When I was about to climb into bed (still tied up), he bent me over and had his way with me. It was fantastic.
Today, I went in to work for a few hours and Sir picked me up. He told me to take my seatbelt off, and when I asked why, he dropped the little silk bag with my ben wa ball in it into my lap. Put it in, he ordered. He had pulled into a parking garage, away from anyone who might be able to see, and I pulled my pants down in the front seat and slid it in. We stopped to get lunch from a drive through, and while we were waiting in line for our food, he turned to me and said "I want to fuck you and slap you later."
I'm intrigued. And horny. And wtf am I still doing on the computer??
Gotta go.
Always his,
His Lady Aurora
Today, I went in to work for a few hours and Sir picked me up. He told me to take my seatbelt off, and when I asked why, he dropped the little silk bag with my ben wa ball in it into my lap. Put it in, he ordered. He had pulled into a parking garage, away from anyone who might be able to see, and I pulled my pants down in the front seat and slid it in. We stopped to get lunch from a drive through, and while we were waiting in line for our food, he turned to me and said "I want to fuck you and slap you later."
I'm intrigued. And horny. And wtf am I still doing on the computer??
Gotta go.
Always his,
His Lady Aurora
Monday, February 17, 2014
Testing the Waters
It has been several weeks now since my last post, and things have certainly changed around here. I stopped pushing the Dom/sub thing, stopped pushing in general. Sir is having a hard time with my job--I think its hard for him to see me so much happier than I was at Helljob when things haven't changed for the better on his end. We fought. Almost every day.
During our last blow-up fight, about two weeks ago (I may have been PMSing), we figured some things out. Sir has gone on two interviews and hasn't heard back from them. He has put in several applications and hasn't heard back from any of them. His job is in sales, and due to many circumstances beyond his control, his sales are terrible. He is actually not as down as others in his company, but the fact remains that we view his job as a sinking ship. Understandably, this causes him immense stress.
My job is a huge step up from Helljob. I get as much vacation time starting out as Sir gets after being at his job for several years. I get paid holidays. I like what I am doing. I get phenomenal insurance, and we added Sir to be covered under my policy. It would be absolutely insane for me to quit. The downside of the job is that it changed my hours drastically. At Helljob, I was getting home early in the afternoon, with enough time to get changed, clean up the house, get things ready/started for dinner, and be waiting eagerly for Sir to come home. I was exhausted and miserable, but Helljob allowed Sir and I to live out a sort of "stay at home" life. My new job was requiring much longer hours, and I have a longer commute now as well. I wasn't getting home until 6:30 some nights, which is very late considering that our day begins rather early.
A couple weeks ago, I changed my work hours to regular Monday-Friday. The work day is shorter, I get home about an hour earlier than I used to. I have more time in the morning to do things around the house.
During our discussions, Sir and I realized that we need a certain amount of D/s because that is just who we are. Sir has certain expectations of me, like keeping the house cleaned up, making dinner, figuring out the menu for the week. My old hours were making these things difficult, especially compared to how things were at Helljob. Sir said that when I got my new job, I got everything and he lost everything. I got a job that made me happy, more money, great benefits, etc. He lost time with me, lost his "stay at home" wife.
From here out, I will be making a concerted effort to renew my submission. Based on our many discussions, here are a few things I will be working on:
1. I will not say the F word, unless I am using it as a request for Sir.
2. I will not be livid about traffic on my commute home.
3. I will use the treadmill each morning before work.
4. I will clean up the house (at least keep it semi-orderly) before I leave in the morning.
5. I will comport myself in a way that is pleasing to Sir.
I think Sir is coming out of his rut. Yesterday, he decided it would be fun to try to make me squirt, since I confessed that it had happened once before when I was playing with my vibrator. After a while, it became clear that it wasn't going to happen, and I was rather irritated because not only could I not squirt, I couldn't seem to finish at all. We had been using only my vibrator, and when I told Sir that I didn't think it was going to happen at all, he decided to just take me. Which he did. Rather violently. It was fantastic, and was the first non-halfhearted sex we had in a few weeks. Today, he had to work and texted me around noon to get my ben wa and put it in until further notice. Later, he called me and told me to go upstairs and tease myself (but NOT to finish). I'm also not allowed to wear underwear for the rest of the day.
I think this is a promising new start.
Always his,
His Lady Aurora
During our last blow-up fight, about two weeks ago (I may have been PMSing), we figured some things out. Sir has gone on two interviews and hasn't heard back from them. He has put in several applications and hasn't heard back from any of them. His job is in sales, and due to many circumstances beyond his control, his sales are terrible. He is actually not as down as others in his company, but the fact remains that we view his job as a sinking ship. Understandably, this causes him immense stress.
My job is a huge step up from Helljob. I get as much vacation time starting out as Sir gets after being at his job for several years. I get paid holidays. I like what I am doing. I get phenomenal insurance, and we added Sir to be covered under my policy. It would be absolutely insane for me to quit. The downside of the job is that it changed my hours drastically. At Helljob, I was getting home early in the afternoon, with enough time to get changed, clean up the house, get things ready/started for dinner, and be waiting eagerly for Sir to come home. I was exhausted and miserable, but Helljob allowed Sir and I to live out a sort of "stay at home" life. My new job was requiring much longer hours, and I have a longer commute now as well. I wasn't getting home until 6:30 some nights, which is very late considering that our day begins rather early.
A couple weeks ago, I changed my work hours to regular Monday-Friday. The work day is shorter, I get home about an hour earlier than I used to. I have more time in the morning to do things around the house.
During our discussions, Sir and I realized that we need a certain amount of D/s because that is just who we are. Sir has certain expectations of me, like keeping the house cleaned up, making dinner, figuring out the menu for the week. My old hours were making these things difficult, especially compared to how things were at Helljob. Sir said that when I got my new job, I got everything and he lost everything. I got a job that made me happy, more money, great benefits, etc. He lost time with me, lost his "stay at home" wife.
From here out, I will be making a concerted effort to renew my submission. Based on our many discussions, here are a few things I will be working on:
1. I will not say the F word, unless I am using it as a request for Sir.
2. I will not be livid about traffic on my commute home.
3. I will use the treadmill each morning before work.
4. I will clean up the house (at least keep it semi-orderly) before I leave in the morning.
5. I will comport myself in a way that is pleasing to Sir.
I think Sir is coming out of his rut. Yesterday, he decided it would be fun to try to make me squirt, since I confessed that it had happened once before when I was playing with my vibrator. After a while, it became clear that it wasn't going to happen, and I was rather irritated because not only could I not squirt, I couldn't seem to finish at all. We had been using only my vibrator, and when I told Sir that I didn't think it was going to happen at all, he decided to just take me. Which he did. Rather violently. It was fantastic, and was the first non-halfhearted sex we had in a few weeks. Today, he had to work and texted me around noon to get my ben wa and put it in until further notice. Later, he called me and told me to go upstairs and tease myself (but NOT to finish). I'm also not allowed to wear underwear for the rest of the day.
I think this is a promising new start.
Always his,
His Lady Aurora
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Home Alone
I love having a day off during the week when Sir isn't home. He usually leaves me a list of things he would like me to get done during the day, and I get to stay in my pjs until I feel like getting dressed. :)
Sir's list today includes picking up a few specific things from the store, planning this week's menu around things we have in the freezer, and getting a head start on the laundry. My list for myself today includes going through the coupon stack, going through all the local grocery store ads to see what is on sale, making that menu, finishing (not just starting) the laundry, vacuuming the whole house, cleaning the bathrooms, and cleaning up the kitchen a little bit. Plus, I 'm making the first batch of Christmas cookies to send out with gifts to my out of state relatives. I'm a little ambitious.
Sir has mixed feelings on when I spend most of my day off cleaning up and doing errands and chores. I know that he enjoys having a neat and semi-orderly house, but he wants me to enjoy my day off too. I don't think he gets it. I like cleaning up because I'm doing it FOR HIM. And also most of the mess in the house is mine. But whatever. He works very hard at his job, which is very physical and draining. He works long hours, and I figure that the least I can do is try to have the house cleaned up and pretty for him when he gets home so he can chill out and enjoy his evening.
Sir's holiday party at work is this weekend. It's really the only good thing about his job, besides a paycheck. Everyone gets together at a nice restaurant, they all bring spouses, we get a really nice dinner (like, really nice. Mucho bucks) and an open bar. Score! It's nice to get to see the other people Sir works with because they are all pretty cool people. I have asked Sir to choose the type of outfit he would like me to wear (he wouldn't choose my outfit flat out--he says I'm an adult. I don't think he gets it). I asked him to decide if I will be wearing dress pants or a skirt, heels or flats, or I can wear a dress. I will most likely end up wearing my ben wa balls as well.
Sir won't be indulging in more than a beer or two while we are there (this thing will last at least four hours, so he will be fine to drive us home), and I'm hoping that he will take advantage of a certain drunken possession (me) after we come home. Or in the car.
I'm making a concerted effort to stop fighting him out of instinct. My first thought upon being asked/told to do something is to say NO, whether I want to do said activity or not. Yesterday, he told me to start my car while he made my lunch (he never makes my lunch, so this was a nice surprise). I started to open the coatroom door and he said no, just go start your car. No coat. I feel like he was testing me. So I grabbed my keys and headed outside into the freezing cold. I started my car and came back, shivering. He looked at me when I came in, smirking. Good girl, he told me. And then he came over and hugged me to warm me up.
Always his,
HLA
Sir's list today includes picking up a few specific things from the store, planning this week's menu around things we have in the freezer, and getting a head start on the laundry. My list for myself today includes going through the coupon stack, going through all the local grocery store ads to see what is on sale, making that menu, finishing (not just starting) the laundry, vacuuming the whole house, cleaning the bathrooms, and cleaning up the kitchen a little bit. Plus, I 'm making the first batch of Christmas cookies to send out with gifts to my out of state relatives. I'm a little ambitious.
Sir has mixed feelings on when I spend most of my day off cleaning up and doing errands and chores. I know that he enjoys having a neat and semi-orderly house, but he wants me to enjoy my day off too. I don't think he gets it. I like cleaning up because I'm doing it FOR HIM. And also most of the mess in the house is mine. But whatever. He works very hard at his job, which is very physical and draining. He works long hours, and I figure that the least I can do is try to have the house cleaned up and pretty for him when he gets home so he can chill out and enjoy his evening.
Sir's holiday party at work is this weekend. It's really the only good thing about his job, besides a paycheck. Everyone gets together at a nice restaurant, they all bring spouses, we get a really nice dinner (like, really nice. Mucho bucks) and an open bar. Score! It's nice to get to see the other people Sir works with because they are all pretty cool people. I have asked Sir to choose the type of outfit he would like me to wear (he wouldn't choose my outfit flat out--he says I'm an adult. I don't think he gets it). I asked him to decide if I will be wearing dress pants or a skirt, heels or flats, or I can wear a dress. I will most likely end up wearing my ben wa balls as well.
Sir won't be indulging in more than a beer or two while we are there (this thing will last at least four hours, so he will be fine to drive us home), and I'm hoping that he will take advantage of a certain drunken possession (me) after we come home. Or in the car.
I'm making a concerted effort to stop fighting him out of instinct. My first thought upon being asked/told to do something is to say NO, whether I want to do said activity or not. Yesterday, he told me to start my car while he made my lunch (he never makes my lunch, so this was a nice surprise). I started to open the coatroom door and he said no, just go start your car. No coat. I feel like he was testing me. So I grabbed my keys and headed outside into the freezing cold. I started my car and came back, shivering. He looked at me when I came in, smirking. Good girl, he told me. And then he came over and hugged me to warm me up.
Always his,
HLA
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Wants and Fears
With nothing much going on in the way of kink recently due to Sir's stress and generally not having much time together, I have had lots of time to think about our dynamic. For a while there, I wanted out. Never out of the relationship (Sir and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for a total of 8, have known each other since high school), just out of the dynamic. And we had only been "in it" since around the time I started this blog over the summer.
I'm a very stubborn person. I'm a very impatient person. These two things do not readily shift to the idea of submission, and yet the idea of submission itself was fascinating and kind of deja-vu-ish. Sir has always been the dominant one in our relationship, and I love doings for him to make him happy. Like getting up at an obscene hour with him to make sure he gets a good breakfast and coffee before I go to work.
When I wanted out of the D/s thing we had set up for ourselves, I was feeling smothered. I barely looked at my blog or my reading list. The idea of sex just turned me off because I knew he would be demanding something of me. Something I didn't want to give. Complete control. Trust. Faith.
I think I was afraid.
I've always had trust issues. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school and I always only ever heard the one side of the story. The idea that the story I was hearing was a lie had never occured to me--until the reality of it hit. I have issues with letting people get close to me. I have Daddy issues. My first boyfriend took advantage of my naivety and the fact that I didn't know any better. As a reaction to these and many more facets of my life, I have a fear that I am not good enough to want forever.
Talking to a therapist (I stopped going this spring) and talking to Sir over the past few weeks helped me to realize that I AM good enough.
And that has brought me back around to the idea of being an "official" submissive. The idea of giving myself entirely over to Sir still makes me nervous, but it also creates a feeling of yearning to serve him, to make him entirely happy, to see the effects my service and behavior have on him.
For the new year, in addition to my list of resolutions and a 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days (borrowed from Molly's Daily Kiss), I will be reworking my submissive "goals," for lack of a better term. I like lists.
For now, I am simply His Lady Aurora.
PS. It looks like I might actually have readers. Thank you, whoever you are. Feel free to say hi!
I'm a very stubborn person. I'm a very impatient person. These two things do not readily shift to the idea of submission, and yet the idea of submission itself was fascinating and kind of deja-vu-ish. Sir has always been the dominant one in our relationship, and I love doings for him to make him happy. Like getting up at an obscene hour with him to make sure he gets a good breakfast and coffee before I go to work.
When I wanted out of the D/s thing we had set up for ourselves, I was feeling smothered. I barely looked at my blog or my reading list. The idea of sex just turned me off because I knew he would be demanding something of me. Something I didn't want to give. Complete control. Trust. Faith.
I think I was afraid.
I've always had trust issues. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school and I always only ever heard the one side of the story. The idea that the story I was hearing was a lie had never occured to me--until the reality of it hit. I have issues with letting people get close to me. I have Daddy issues. My first boyfriend took advantage of my naivety and the fact that I didn't know any better. As a reaction to these and many more facets of my life, I have a fear that I am not good enough to want forever.
Talking to a therapist (I stopped going this spring) and talking to Sir over the past few weeks helped me to realize that I AM good enough.
And that has brought me back around to the idea of being an "official" submissive. The idea of giving myself entirely over to Sir still makes me nervous, but it also creates a feeling of yearning to serve him, to make him entirely happy, to see the effects my service and behavior have on him.
For the new year, in addition to my list of resolutions and a 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days (borrowed from Molly's Daily Kiss), I will be reworking my submissive "goals," for lack of a better term. I like lists.
For now, I am simply His Lady Aurora.
PS. It looks like I might actually have readers. Thank you, whoever you are. Feel free to say hi!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Why?
So Sir and I had a discussion about this new D/s dynamic the other day. We were both cranky (me more than him), so it didn't go very well. He said that he felt like I am only into being a sub when I already want to do whatever it is he asks of me. So basically, he feels like I am topping from the bottom (hopefully that usage is correct). Which got me thinking--why do I hesitate to do what he asks sometimes? Why do I sometimes get cranky when he asks me to do things for him? And then it hit me: I have always had a hard time trusting people and I still don't trust him entirely. I mean, I know I would do anything for him (except bring his dishes into the kitchen sometimes, apparently, haha), and I love him more than anything else, but when it comes down to letting someone else basically control my actions...that line in the sand just gets closer and closer and I fight back.
I was screwed over and lied to in my last relationship and I think that really scarred my ability to trust. Add to that a childhood of one parent lying or exaggerating to make the other one look bad, and the other one being hundreds of miles away due to a divorce--my patterns of trust were stretched, if not broken.
So after me being very upset and trying to "call off" the whole D/s thing because it felt like he didn't like it and that I was a freak, he calmed me down and explained that he knows I like it, that he likes it too, and that he wants sort of a list/explanation of what I want out of this. For the record, I told him we should sit down and hash this out forever ago, but he said that was dumb. :P
So my task for this next week, since today is MY LAST DAY AT WORK until I start my new job, is to figure out how to explain why I love this and what I need out of it. Easy, right?
Always his,
HLA
I was screwed over and lied to in my last relationship and I think that really scarred my ability to trust. Add to that a childhood of one parent lying or exaggerating to make the other one look bad, and the other one being hundreds of miles away due to a divorce--my patterns of trust were stretched, if not broken.
So after me being very upset and trying to "call off" the whole D/s thing because it felt like he didn't like it and that I was a freak, he calmed me down and explained that he knows I like it, that he likes it too, and that he wants sort of a list/explanation of what I want out of this. For the record, I told him we should sit down and hash this out forever ago, but he said that was dumb. :P
So my task for this next week, since today is MY LAST DAY AT WORK until I start my new job, is to figure out how to explain why I love this and what I need out of it. Easy, right?
Always his,
HLA
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Slow steps
Yesterday was three days in a row at the gym. :)
I have determined that the pedometer I wore at work the other day is horribly inaccurate. I mean, I am all for tacitly accepting the proposal that I did walk nearly 30,000 steps, but I feel like that is too much. I walk A LOT at work, but not quite that much. I feel like 20,000 is more accurate. I don't feel like shelling out 10-20$ for a new pedometer though. Oh well.
I have done well with my bedtime ritual over the past couple days. I got a new night cream a couple weeks ago and I think I can see a difference now. I need to switch back to my regular one in the mornings because the night cream has no SPF built in. Us pale people need our SPF!
Bloodwork came back. I do not have celiac disease, which is awesome. I think that leaves the fact that I am vaguely lactose-intolerant though. Must work to nail this down because I'm sick of feeling crappy after eating. My thyroid medication is allegedly keeping me in the zone. Not sure why my hair is thinning then, but I will be seeing a dermatologist in a few weeks so maybe she can help. If not, I will be seeing my doctor again to recheck my levels in a couple months, and maybe she can think of something else. I also need a haircut. My hair is getting too long and heavy again--making it look thinner than it is. The other blood tests came back good--my sugars are good, iron is good (thanks to vitamins), and the only "bad" things are my total cholesterol and my bad cholesterol (HDL or LDL, I can never remember). They are both only about 10 points above the good level, so I am not too far gone for fixing.
Dinners have been planned well recently, as per Sir's vegetable directive following the pseudo-appendix incident of last weekend. Yesterday's dinner was a recreation of a restaurant dish with mushrooms, onion, red pepper sauce, and chicken. So good. I used whole wheat pasta too, so that takes a little of the carb-phobia out.
I have an interview next week for a new job! I have a feeling that I will get this one. Not to jinx it. I had such a migraine from work today--two Aleve and a shot of vodka to wash it down. Kidding about the vodka. But it crossed my mind.
Sir and I watched Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhall last night. Overall, I was kind of disappointed at the portrayal of Lee as a crazy girl, but once she stopped cutting herself, I was more interested. Not that cutting yourself makes you crazy. I used to scratch myself until not too long ago, and I don't think I am crazy. Lee's character just seemed so unsure of herself, so childish at times. Her posture in particular just screamed I HAVE NO SELF WORTH. I think it takes a strong person to be a submissive and I think she could have been written differently. I did like the last fifteen minutes where he tests her and leaves with instructions not to lift her feet.
Sir has made me a list of things to do on my next day off (!). He has never physically written out a list for me. I feel strangely excited. I think one thing I like about the idea of submission is the giving up of control to someone you trust. I have had trust issues with Sir at the beginning of our relationship (because I got screwed over by my ex, not anything Sir did), and I think this is the ultimate show of trust and respect.
Sir just wandered down into the basement with a funny look on his face. I asked him jokingly if he was working on something pervy (my code word for something D/s with him, since he is more vanilla than not still). He blushed and started smiling. Now I hear power tools, so either he was lying or I am in for some fun later.
Always his,
HLA
I have determined that the pedometer I wore at work the other day is horribly inaccurate. I mean, I am all for tacitly accepting the proposal that I did walk nearly 30,000 steps, but I feel like that is too much. I walk A LOT at work, but not quite that much. I feel like 20,000 is more accurate. I don't feel like shelling out 10-20$ for a new pedometer though. Oh well.
I have done well with my bedtime ritual over the past couple days. I got a new night cream a couple weeks ago and I think I can see a difference now. I need to switch back to my regular one in the mornings because the night cream has no SPF built in. Us pale people need our SPF!
Bloodwork came back. I do not have celiac disease, which is awesome. I think that leaves the fact that I am vaguely lactose-intolerant though. Must work to nail this down because I'm sick of feeling crappy after eating. My thyroid medication is allegedly keeping me in the zone. Not sure why my hair is thinning then, but I will be seeing a dermatologist in a few weeks so maybe she can help. If not, I will be seeing my doctor again to recheck my levels in a couple months, and maybe she can think of something else. I also need a haircut. My hair is getting too long and heavy again--making it look thinner than it is. The other blood tests came back good--my sugars are good, iron is good (thanks to vitamins), and the only "bad" things are my total cholesterol and my bad cholesterol (HDL or LDL, I can never remember). They are both only about 10 points above the good level, so I am not too far gone for fixing.
Dinners have been planned well recently, as per Sir's vegetable directive following the pseudo-appendix incident of last weekend. Yesterday's dinner was a recreation of a restaurant dish with mushrooms, onion, red pepper sauce, and chicken. So good. I used whole wheat pasta too, so that takes a little of the carb-phobia out.
I have an interview next week for a new job! I have a feeling that I will get this one. Not to jinx it. I had such a migraine from work today--two Aleve and a shot of vodka to wash it down. Kidding about the vodka. But it crossed my mind.
Sir and I watched Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhall last night. Overall, I was kind of disappointed at the portrayal of Lee as a crazy girl, but once she stopped cutting herself, I was more interested. Not that cutting yourself makes you crazy. I used to scratch myself until not too long ago, and I don't think I am crazy. Lee's character just seemed so unsure of herself, so childish at times. Her posture in particular just screamed I HAVE NO SELF WORTH. I think it takes a strong person to be a submissive and I think she could have been written differently. I did like the last fifteen minutes where he tests her and leaves with instructions not to lift her feet.
Sir has made me a list of things to do on my next day off (!). He has never physically written out a list for me. I feel strangely excited. I think one thing I like about the idea of submission is the giving up of control to someone you trust. I have had trust issues with Sir at the beginning of our relationship (because I got screwed over by my ex, not anything Sir did), and I think this is the ultimate show of trust and respect.
Sir just wandered down into the basement with a funny look on his face. I asked him jokingly if he was working on something pervy (my code word for something D/s with him, since he is more vanilla than not still). He blushed and started smiling. Now I hear power tools, so either he was lying or I am in for some fun later.
Always his,
HLA
Thursday, August 1, 2013
All Tied Up
Sir had a day off yesterday. I did not. So when I came home from work, he was ready for me. After instructing me to get cleaned up (I insisted on taking a full shower), I emerged from the bathroom to find a black bra, black cheekies, and black lace stockings laid on the bed, along with a selection of toys and a note that said "Surprise Me." After a moment, I picked one of the toys and placed it, then sat on the edge of the bed to wait. I was going to kneel on the floor, but I figured that was too much. Plus it was dark, and I looked kind of creepy sitting there on the floor in my get-up.
So Sir came upstairs (finally), and commenced with the fun. Kissing, stroking, sucking, and then he bent me over the bed and pulled my arms behind my back. He used a long piece of rope to tie my hands tightly, then pushed me to my knees and ordered me to suck him. I was happy to oblige. When he had enough, he pulled me up and helped me to the bed, taking me until he was satisfied.
I thought we were finished, but no. Not even close. He then took out my favorite pink toy, a vibrator, and proceeded to give me four clitoral orgasms. I thought I was going to die. It was heavenly. When I couldn't move anymore, he finally put the toy away and began the task of untying me. I had marks on my wrists all night, and was afraid they wouldn't fade in time for work. I love when he marks me as his.
Today is August 1. New month, new start. I will work out today. I will eat right. I will follow my ritual tonight before bed. I am a positive, motivated person working toward my best ME.
Always his,
HLA
So Sir came upstairs (finally), and commenced with the fun. Kissing, stroking, sucking, and then he bent me over the bed and pulled my arms behind my back. He used a long piece of rope to tie my hands tightly, then pushed me to my knees and ordered me to suck him. I was happy to oblige. When he had enough, he pulled me up and helped me to the bed, taking me until he was satisfied.
I thought we were finished, but no. Not even close. He then took out my favorite pink toy, a vibrator, and proceeded to give me four clitoral orgasms. I thought I was going to die. It was heavenly. When I couldn't move anymore, he finally put the toy away and began the task of untying me. I had marks on my wrists all night, and was afraid they wouldn't fade in time for work. I love when he marks me as his.
Today is August 1. New month, new start. I will work out today. I will eat right. I will follow my ritual tonight before bed. I am a positive, motivated person working toward my best ME.
Always his,
HLA
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Finishing 30 days and random musings
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Not for me, but I can see the appeal. You can engage or not engage to whatever degree you feel comfortable.
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Not yet, but I can't really think how they would manifest into the kink activites. "Here, let me spank you with this cookbook..."
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
I like to wear one of my "outfits." These are satiny, lacy things that make me feel sexy and sensual. They don't usually stay on very long, but they help set my mood and make me feel confident.
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Sir calls me a few different pet names in vanilla-land, but usually sticks with "my dirty girl" or "naughty girl" or something like that. I think they help distinguish between a scene and our everyday lives together. If Sir called me a whore upon my return home from work, I would be kind of pissed. But when he does it during sex, its hot.
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
I really like the idea of submission in relation to my marriage. I think it forces me to think about my actions as more a reflection of Sir than of myself. It forces me to be less selfish, to think of him first. I also think it has made me more confident and sure of myself, since I am sure of this very private facet of my life. Its like when you wear matching underwear--only you know it, but it makes you feel more sure. Maybe that is just me...
I'd really like to get the guts to comment and get involved with the other blogs I read. They are all smart, funny ladies who I think I would be friends with in real life.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Just when I find something good...
I heard about this blog-disaster letter going around. I didn't have an email, but I don't have ads on my page either. Just when I finally get into this whole blogging thing, everyone freaks out and considers shutting down their stuff. Hoping for the best.
Yesterday, Sir and I had a 'discussion' of sorts. He had a long day at work, and was very cranky all day. He texted me a few times saying he needed to change his attitude. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for a little scening, and proceeded to dress a little skanky in a short skirt and revealing shirt. He got home and completely ignored it, which was odd because he loves when I wear skirts. I was hurt, because I immediately thought the worst: I had freaked him out with my new interest in D/s and he was shutting down. Or I was fat. So I got all pissy and cranky, which didn't add to his mood. After a long discussion, we determined that I just have really bad timing.
He is not creeped out or anything by the D/s stuff (score!). He was just exhausted and that was the last thing on his mind. I also realized that maybe I am so "fervent" (his words) about this stuff because I was sexually repressed for like my whole life. Now that something makes sense, is fun, and makes me feel good about myself, I want it all the time. At the start of our relationship, he was the one who wanted it all the time. I refused, taking baby steps into the normal teenage world of kissing and making out. Sir is my first and only sexual partner, for the record. I was so behind in learning 'the basics' of a relationship that the idea of anything more than kissing was almost panic-inducing. It was dirty, whorish, something to be guilty about. But I liked it. Did that mean that I was dirty and whorish?
This is a good segue into Day 11 of the 30 days of kink. The ethics of kink. As long as all parties are of age, sound mind, and want to be involved in the kink, I say go for it! Certain safety precautions should be taken, depending on how far into the kink the parties will go, but as long as everyone is cool with it, why not? If I want to be hung upside down and spanked while someone shoves their penis in my mouth, who has the right to tell me no? Not that I would enjoy that. Not at all. *shifty eyes*
Sir and I are both off tomorrow. We are currently working through a bottle of Pinot Grigio (which is much better than I thought it would be), and I am definitely hoping for some cuddling and maybe some spanking. I am trying to think of a way to ask him to spank me with something other than his hand. Like a paddle or something. He doesn't like to hurt me, which is sweet in general, but really irritating when we are in the moment and I really want him to smack my ass with something that will hurt. I'll let you know how it goes.
Always his,
HLA
Yesterday, Sir and I had a 'discussion' of sorts. He had a long day at work, and was very cranky all day. He texted me a few times saying he needed to change his attitude. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for a little scening, and proceeded to dress a little skanky in a short skirt and revealing shirt. He got home and completely ignored it, which was odd because he loves when I wear skirts. I was hurt, because I immediately thought the worst: I had freaked him out with my new interest in D/s and he was shutting down. Or I was fat. So I got all pissy and cranky, which didn't add to his mood. After a long discussion, we determined that I just have really bad timing.
He is not creeped out or anything by the D/s stuff (score!). He was just exhausted and that was the last thing on his mind. I also realized that maybe I am so "fervent" (his words) about this stuff because I was sexually repressed for like my whole life. Now that something makes sense, is fun, and makes me feel good about myself, I want it all the time. At the start of our relationship, he was the one who wanted it all the time. I refused, taking baby steps into the normal teenage world of kissing and making out. Sir is my first and only sexual partner, for the record. I was so behind in learning 'the basics' of a relationship that the idea of anything more than kissing was almost panic-inducing. It was dirty, whorish, something to be guilty about. But I liked it. Did that mean that I was dirty and whorish?
This is a good segue into Day 11 of the 30 days of kink. The ethics of kink. As long as all parties are of age, sound mind, and want to be involved in the kink, I say go for it! Certain safety precautions should be taken, depending on how far into the kink the parties will go, but as long as everyone is cool with it, why not? If I want to be hung upside down and spanked while someone shoves their penis in my mouth, who has the right to tell me no? Not that I would enjoy that. Not at all. *shifty eyes*
Sir and I are both off tomorrow. We are currently working through a bottle of Pinot Grigio (which is much better than I thought it would be), and I am definitely hoping for some cuddling and maybe some spanking. I am trying to think of a way to ask him to spank me with something other than his hand. Like a paddle or something. He doesn't like to hurt me, which is sweet in general, but really irritating when we are in the moment and I really want him to smack my ass with something that will hurt. I'll let you know how it goes.
Always his,
HLA
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
30 Days of Kink--only faster!
After seeing several other blogs doing this, I figured it might be a good way to guide the babbling and help me focus. This blog is a huge step outside my comfort zone, and answering questions feels easier than volunteering the info on my own. Here are the first couple questions from 30 DOK and my answers.
Day 1: In a nutshell, define your kinky self. D/s? What appeals to you?
I consider myself the submissive partner in my marriage. I enjoy making him happy, whether it is by prepping the coffee maker for him the night before so he has fresh coffee in the mornings, by making his lunch (when I get up with him, something I need to work on), by keeping the house cleaned up. The idea of being "controlled" in my daily life is not something I am comfortable with, until I think about the idea that both of us controls the other already. I try to limit my use of a certain F word because he thinks it is beneath me (outside the bedroom, of course). He cleans up the kitchen if I don't get to it (and I often don't), in exchange for me making dinner every night. I think he secretly likes it when he asks me to make his coffee and I immediately get up and get it ready. It is a way for me to show him how much I love him, especially when I behave otherwise. I have kind of a temper.
Day 2: List your kinks.
I like being dominated (convenient, right?) in the bedroom. Spankings are excellent. I think I enjoy pain, so I guess that would be masochism? I am very new to the idea of speaking about sex openly, so this category will probably grow as I learn more about BDSM. I do like vibrators and butt plugs. Can you see me blushing right now? Probably for the best. Just added restraints after answering number 4.
Day 3: How did you discover that you were kinky?
I never knew that there was a word for my particular cup of tea until I read Fifty Shades. Several of my close co-workers were talking about it and one of them offered to lend me her copy. Halfway through the first book, I returned the borrowed copy and bought all three titles. Something sparked in me, blazing through the terrible writing and weak storyline of the books. The idea of serving someone I loved, serving in every way, was very attractive. I am a very selfish person sometimes, and I would like to work on not being so selfish, especially in terms of my relationship with my Sir Charming.
Day 4: Any experiences that foreshadow your kink?
My sexual history is rather short. I have been with exactly one person, and sex was never brought up in my house. I never had The Talk about sex, periods, etc. Unless you count the one that they do in school. Which I don't, because no one is really paying attention anyway. Anytime I had feelings that remotely fell into the sexual category, the general aura of my homelife made me feel like they were something bad, something to feel guilty about. During high school, I finally figured out that these feelings were normal. Once I realized that, I started to notice that I really liked certain things I saw in movies or read about in books. I liked the rough, passionate scenes, liked the idea of the bad boy, liked the idea of being handcuffed. So add restraints to number 2. Check.
Day 5: Your first kinky sexual experience.
I'm going with the first one that Sir Charming and I were both aware was kinky. This was about a month ago. I told you I was new. I came home from work, and was presented with a chilled shot since I had been bitching all day via text about how horrid my day was. After he handed me the shot, he told me to drink it. In a very Sir-like tone. Which made me very interested. I have been dropping hints left and right for months about all this kinky and/or D/s stuff and he seems a little creeped out by it. Maybe its because I'm so interested in it. Anyway, he then ordered me to the bedroom, where he told me to go into the bathroom and undress. I came out, and he was in silk boxers, armed with a necktie. He tied up my wrists and proceeded to...ahem...detain me, for the next 20 minutes. It was glorious.
I'm hoping maybe this blog will let me process this kind of stuff outside of talking about it with Sir Charming quite so much. He is still very vanilla, and I don't want to scare him off. :) That would make me a very sad Lady Aurora.
Ever his,
HLA
Day 1: In a nutshell, define your kinky self. D/s? What appeals to you?
I consider myself the submissive partner in my marriage. I enjoy making him happy, whether it is by prepping the coffee maker for him the night before so he has fresh coffee in the mornings, by making his lunch (when I get up with him, something I need to work on), by keeping the house cleaned up. The idea of being "controlled" in my daily life is not something I am comfortable with, until I think about the idea that both of us controls the other already. I try to limit my use of a certain F word because he thinks it is beneath me (outside the bedroom, of course). He cleans up the kitchen if I don't get to it (and I often don't), in exchange for me making dinner every night. I think he secretly likes it when he asks me to make his coffee and I immediately get up and get it ready. It is a way for me to show him how much I love him, especially when I behave otherwise. I have kind of a temper.
Day 2: List your kinks.
I like being dominated (convenient, right?) in the bedroom. Spankings are excellent. I think I enjoy pain, so I guess that would be masochism? I am very new to the idea of speaking about sex openly, so this category will probably grow as I learn more about BDSM. I do like vibrators and butt plugs. Can you see me blushing right now? Probably for the best. Just added restraints after answering number 4.
Day 3: How did you discover that you were kinky?
I never knew that there was a word for my particular cup of tea until I read Fifty Shades. Several of my close co-workers were talking about it and one of them offered to lend me her copy. Halfway through the first book, I returned the borrowed copy and bought all three titles. Something sparked in me, blazing through the terrible writing and weak storyline of the books. The idea of serving someone I loved, serving in every way, was very attractive. I am a very selfish person sometimes, and I would like to work on not being so selfish, especially in terms of my relationship with my Sir Charming.
Day 4: Any experiences that foreshadow your kink?
My sexual history is rather short. I have been with exactly one person, and sex was never brought up in my house. I never had The Talk about sex, periods, etc. Unless you count the one that they do in school. Which I don't, because no one is really paying attention anyway. Anytime I had feelings that remotely fell into the sexual category, the general aura of my homelife made me feel like they were something bad, something to feel guilty about. During high school, I finally figured out that these feelings were normal. Once I realized that, I started to notice that I really liked certain things I saw in movies or read about in books. I liked the rough, passionate scenes, liked the idea of the bad boy, liked the idea of being handcuffed. So add restraints to number 2. Check.
Day 5: Your first kinky sexual experience.
I'm going with the first one that Sir Charming and I were both aware was kinky. This was about a month ago. I told you I was new. I came home from work, and was presented with a chilled shot since I had been bitching all day via text about how horrid my day was. After he handed me the shot, he told me to drink it. In a very Sir-like tone. Which made me very interested. I have been dropping hints left and right for months about all this kinky and/or D/s stuff and he seems a little creeped out by it. Maybe its because I'm so interested in it. Anyway, he then ordered me to the bedroom, where he told me to go into the bathroom and undress. I came out, and he was in silk boxers, armed with a necktie. He tied up my wrists and proceeded to...ahem...detain me, for the next 20 minutes. It was glorious.
I'm hoping maybe this blog will let me process this kind of stuff outside of talking about it with Sir Charming quite so much. He is still very vanilla, and I don't want to scare him off. :) That would make me a very sad Lady Aurora.
Ever his,
HLA
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