The first weekend Sir and I have had off together in months--and luck was not on our side. Sir felt sick on Friday, and I had some sort of horrific stomach ailment Saturday and Sunday. I thought I was going to have to go the hospital for appendicitis. So after spending 14 hours in bed between Saturday and Sunday, complete with agonizing stomach pain and fever and chills, I was not in the mood (or physically capable) of sexy time. Sad face. I couldn't even stand up straight until yesterday. Ugh.
Still waiting on the results of my bloodwork a couple weeks ago. Hopefully it comes soon, with a new prescription, because I only have 6 days of my Synthroid left. Also, it would be nice to know what is going on. Good news--I had nearly $700 of tests done, and as of right now, I only have to pay $20. Nice! I was so worried I was going to bankrupt us.
On the health front, I need to eat more fiber. Sir and I think that might be why I was so sick this weekend.
I feel like I'm being a terrible submissive lately. I overthink everything and then nothing ends up getting done. This weekend was a total waste, since I was in agony for most of it. I got nothing done around the house and haven't really worked out in a couple days. I still don't feel 100% better, so I skipped the gym again today. I'm hoping to go tomorrow.
Sir has set a new goal for this week. We must have something fiber-full at every dinner. This mostly means more vegetables. Vegetables are expensive, which is annoying. They literally grow on trees, or bushes, or in the ground. Whatever. They should be cheaper!!
On the sexy time front, Sir and I are probably going to watch Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhall this evening. We were supposed to watch it this weekend, but with me sleeping for most of it, that didn't happen. I'm trying to make up for it (I know getting sick isn't my fault, but I still feel bad) by cleaning up the house and getting things taken care of that have been on the list for a while. So far, I have dusted, scrubbed the kitchen, put away dishes, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, vacuumed the whole house, cleaned up the office, and made the menu and shopping list for this week. I still need to actually get off my butt and get cleaned up and go shopping for groceries. Getting a load of laundry done would be nice as well.
I also researched some stuff for our vacation this fall. I found a bunch of places to stay and tons to do. Its going to be interesting going on vacation with the in-laws. We've never done this before, and I don't know what to expect. I'm sure it will be fun though.
My goals this week:
Go to the gym Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. NO EXCUSES.
Get enough sleep. Remember the bedtime ritual.
Stop drinking coffee every morning. Have orange juice sometimes. See if this helps stop migraines.
Apply for two jobs by Saturday.
Always his,
HLA
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Reflecting on my Goals
Monday is going to be my new day for reflection on my goals. I am going to work on thinking about it as reflecting on them, rather than passing or failing. With that in mind, I am refining them and making them more streamlined.
General:
Other things going on this week: I should be getting my blood test results back from my doctor about my thyroid, possibly increasing my Synthroid dosage, figuring out any other vitamin deficiencies, and generally getting my health in some kind of order. I asked off for the vacation Sir and I are taking with his parents this autumn, and have decided to stop going to therapy. I think it has served its purpose and I really just need to FIND A NEW JOB!
On that note, I rewrote my resume and took it, along with the most recent cover letter I wrote, to my therapist for her opinion. She said everything looked great and I just need to keep putting out apps. So that is good news.
I am also plotting a date night for Sir this weekend. I haven't had a full weekend (Sat-Sun) off in months, so I am trying to figure out what to do for a nice, romantic, relaxing date night. Chocolate will be involved--possibly even eaten. Hahaha. I think a fancy dinner on our wedding china with a fancy dessert and a good movie will be a nice change for us. Now to do it as cheaply as possible---that will be the trick.
Always his,
HLA
General:
- Try not to trash the kitchen while cooking. Sir cleans up after I cook (because he wants to) and I should make it easier for him. Clean as I go.
- Do not be bitchy for no apparent reason. Do not take bitchiness out on Sir.
- Spend less time on electronic devices.
- Blog once a day (at least).
- Prep Sir's coffee each night before bed. *ritual*
- Go to gym every day, unless closed or work schedule prevents it.
- Take vitamins every day.
- One snack allowed each day. (I have a problem with grazing. I also have hypothyroidism and trouble losing weight. I also really like food.)
- Add more vegetables and fruits to diet.
- Make an effort to vary the weekly menu.
- Weight loss goal: get my BMI to the outer edge of the healthy category. Lose 30 pounds of fat, as per the gym device that measures fat.
- Go through all weekly ads to find best prices on food for the week.
- Buy lunch out at work no more than once per week. PLAN AHEAD!
- Go through weekly coupons and remember to use them.
- Keep the checkbook updated.
- Shave/trim as needed.
- Wear skirts more often. Start at once a week.
- Get up with Sir on days I work and make us a good breakfast.
- Continue learning about D/s and be more open with Sir about what I want/think he would enjoy.
Other things going on this week: I should be getting my blood test results back from my doctor about my thyroid, possibly increasing my Synthroid dosage, figuring out any other vitamin deficiencies, and generally getting my health in some kind of order. I asked off for the vacation Sir and I are taking with his parents this autumn, and have decided to stop going to therapy. I think it has served its purpose and I really just need to FIND A NEW JOB!
On that note, I rewrote my resume and took it, along with the most recent cover letter I wrote, to my therapist for her opinion. She said everything looked great and I just need to keep putting out apps. So that is good news.
I am also plotting a date night for Sir this weekend. I haven't had a full weekend (Sat-Sun) off in months, so I am trying to figure out what to do for a nice, romantic, relaxing date night. Chocolate will be involved--possibly even eaten. Hahaha. I think a fancy dinner on our wedding china with a fancy dessert and a good movie will be a nice change for us. Now to do it as cheaply as possible---that will be the trick.
Always his,
HLA
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Finishing 30 days and random musings
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Not for me, but I can see the appeal. You can engage or not engage to whatever degree you feel comfortable.
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Not yet, but I can't really think how they would manifest into the kink activites. "Here, let me spank you with this cookbook..."
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
I like to wear one of my "outfits." These are satiny, lacy things that make me feel sexy and sensual. They don't usually stay on very long, but they help set my mood and make me feel confident.
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Sir calls me a few different pet names in vanilla-land, but usually sticks with "my dirty girl" or "naughty girl" or something like that. I think they help distinguish between a scene and our everyday lives together. If Sir called me a whore upon my return home from work, I would be kind of pissed. But when he does it during sex, its hot.
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
I really like the idea of submission in relation to my marriage. I think it forces me to think about my actions as more a reflection of Sir than of myself. It forces me to be less selfish, to think of him first. I also think it has made me more confident and sure of myself, since I am sure of this very private facet of my life. Its like when you wear matching underwear--only you know it, but it makes you feel more sure. Maybe that is just me...
I'd really like to get the guts to comment and get involved with the other blogs I read. They are all smart, funny ladies who I think I would be friends with in real life.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Belated Check-in and updates
I am two days late for my Sunday check-in, but things have been busy around here lately. My birthday, crazy work schedules, and life in general got in the way. Moving on...
Sunday Check-in:
Health and Wellbeing--have lost about 3 pounds. Got my blood drawn the other day so hopefully we can get my thyroid under control and figure out anything else I need to do. They are running some vitamin checks and a celiac test, so I will know if I need to worry about any of that.
Financial--have been making an effort to spend less money and to plan out meals so that we don't have to rely on a bare pantry or just go out. This week's splurge is a crock-pot meal with a fair amount of meat in it. Meat is expensive, and we don't eat it that often unless it is on sale or something, but this sounded great to Sir and I.
Personal--had a mini-meltdown yesterday after getting off from work. Had a terrible day for many diverse reasons, and then just started bawling on my way home and continued after getting into the house and exploding the whole thing to Sir. I am so sick of my job. I hate it. I hate it. I got some books from the library about how to revamp your resume and things like that. I will be reworking my stuff and trying again. Even though part of me thinks this is useless, that I have had several interviews and gotten nothing back from any of them.
Sir had a plan for me on Sunday when I got home. That was why I forgot to update. You'll see why. He texted me before I left work, telling me that when I got home, I was to immediately go upstairs and freshen up, then wait for him on the bed. He told me he had laid out everything I would need in the bathroom and that I should also put on the clothes he left on the bed. After flying home, I opened the door and hurried up to get ready. He had laid out everything for me, and laid out my corset from our wedding and a pair of white cheeky boyshorts. I rinsed off under a cold shower to cool off and laid down on the bed after pulling on the outfit he chose. After a few minutes, he came upstairs and began the most BDSM scene we had ever done. It was wonderful. He ordered me to my knees to take him in my mouth, he tied me up with some old silk ties, he tortured me with my vibrator, and oh, yes, he spanked me with a belt. He seemed to get really into it, and I could tell he was afraid of hurting me, but it was glorious. GLORIOUS. The whole thing was so much fun and so intense. I'm actually wondering if perhaps my meltdown yesterday was some sort of subdrop from Sunday. Anyway, he seemed very into the whole thing and I hope he does it again sometime.
I've got a house to straighten and clean up and things to watch on the DVR, so I'm off!
Always his,
HLA
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Taking care of myself
I had a doctor's appointment the other day. I haven't been to a regular doctor since I was little (my mom thinks check-ups are stupid) but I needed a refill for my thyroid medicine and had some questions that I wanted to ask a regular general doctor.
She ordered a ton of blood tests to check my thyroid levels and some other stuff to get a baseline for me. I'm really mostly concerned about my thyroid because over the past year, my hair has thinned noticeably. Sir has considered taking me to one of those laser hair places because it makes me so uncomfortable. My hair used to be so thick that if I didn't blow dry it, it wouldn't dry for a whole day. Now, I can air dry it for ten minutes and it is almost dry. So I have to go in soon and get the blood drawn so we can get to work on my thyroid.
Sir has been exhausted for several days now, so I have no sexy time reports. We haven't had a day off together for a while now so that is probably contributing as well. I've been trying to take special care of him and we will have some time this weekend, so I have good feelings about that.
I was on Submissive Guide the other day and there was an article about making your own mantra. So here is mine. I am a positive and motivated person who is working toward a better me!
Here are some more days of kink for you!
Day 23: Since getting into kink, how have your interests/perspectives changed?
I am more willing to try new things in general. Foods, movies, activities--I feel more free, I guess.
Day 24: Qualities I look for in a partner:
Caring, trustworthy, honest. My Sir is a very good match for me. Good thing we are married to each other.
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Not at all open with my family. Imagine a door, sealed with duct tape, backed by a cement wall. That's the mental image I get. The door that leads to my professional life is closed, but you can see light around the edges. Probably all the women at work have read Fifty Shades, and several more enjoy the Bared to You series--and the discussion of any future movies and who should play the male leads is as far as we go. The door that leads to Sir is cracked, and gets a little more open every day. He is still getting used to this, but I haven't scared him off so far.
Off to clean/shop/watch TV and do nothing. Wish me luck!
Always his,
HLA
She ordered a ton of blood tests to check my thyroid levels and some other stuff to get a baseline for me. I'm really mostly concerned about my thyroid because over the past year, my hair has thinned noticeably. Sir has considered taking me to one of those laser hair places because it makes me so uncomfortable. My hair used to be so thick that if I didn't blow dry it, it wouldn't dry for a whole day. Now, I can air dry it for ten minutes and it is almost dry. So I have to go in soon and get the blood drawn so we can get to work on my thyroid.
Sir has been exhausted for several days now, so I have no sexy time reports. We haven't had a day off together for a while now so that is probably contributing as well. I've been trying to take special care of him and we will have some time this weekend, so I have good feelings about that.
I was on Submissive Guide the other day and there was an article about making your own mantra. So here is mine. I am a positive and motivated person who is working toward a better me!
Here are some more days of kink for you!
Day 23: Since getting into kink, how have your interests/perspectives changed?
I am more willing to try new things in general. Foods, movies, activities--I feel more free, I guess.
Day 24: Qualities I look for in a partner:
Caring, trustworthy, honest. My Sir is a very good match for me. Good thing we are married to each other.
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Not at all open with my family. Imagine a door, sealed with duct tape, backed by a cement wall. That's the mental image I get. The door that leads to my professional life is closed, but you can see light around the edges. Probably all the women at work have read Fifty Shades, and several more enjoy the Bared to You series--and the discussion of any future movies and who should play the male leads is as far as we go. The door that leads to Sir is cracked, and gets a little more open every day. He is still getting used to this, but I haven't scared him off so far.
Off to clean/shop/watch TV and do nothing. Wish me luck!
Always his,
HLA
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Sir's Belt
Yesterday, Sir and I went out for dinner with his parents. As I was putting my makeup on, he proceeded to remove his belt and slowly wind it up in his hand before swatting my ass with it. I've never been hit with something, and it was lovely.
He seemed to like how red my ass got, and followed me around the room as I got ready to go, swatting at me the whole time. By the time we left the house, my ass was warm and very pink. It was very nice. I think Sir is getting into this more every day.
Sunday Rules Check-In:
General: I have made his coffee every morning (unless he is off the next day). I have attempted to clean the kitchen as I go, but our kitchen is very small and I need to keep working on this one. I'm planning a toss-out of stuff that I don't use very often so that should help. I have tried to not be as bitchy after work, which has been easier this week because I have been learning a new area. I have also only used the F word once or twice this week. I'm not counting thoughts. :)
Health: Work in progress. The menu is the only one I have really kept this week. Tomorrow begins GO TO THE EFFING (I'm working on it!) GYM week. If I do it every day I am able, I am going to buy myself some new eyeshadow.
Finances: Pretty good, actually. I bought lunch once this week, when a bunch of us ordered in. It was glorious and a perfect pick-me-up from work.
Personal: Skirts have improved Sir's mood. I think he likes knowing he has easy access. *insert wiggling eyebrows* Dental health was officially sanctioned by the dentist! D/s situation is good.
So I really just need to focus on GOING TO THE GYM. I want new eyeshadow!
He seemed to like how red my ass got, and followed me around the room as I got ready to go, swatting at me the whole time. By the time we left the house, my ass was warm and very pink. It was very nice. I think Sir is getting into this more every day.
Sunday Rules Check-In:
General: I have made his coffee every morning (unless he is off the next day). I have attempted to clean the kitchen as I go, but our kitchen is very small and I need to keep working on this one. I'm planning a toss-out of stuff that I don't use very often so that should help. I have tried to not be as bitchy after work, which has been easier this week because I have been learning a new area. I have also only used the F word once or twice this week. I'm not counting thoughts. :)
Health: Work in progress. The menu is the only one I have really kept this week. Tomorrow begins GO TO THE EFFING (I'm working on it!) GYM week. If I do it every day I am able, I am going to buy myself some new eyeshadow.
Finances: Pretty good, actually. I bought lunch once this week, when a bunch of us ordered in. It was glorious and a perfect pick-me-up from work.
Personal: Skirts have improved Sir's mood. I think he likes knowing he has easy access. *insert wiggling eyebrows* Dental health was officially sanctioned by the dentist! D/s situation is good.
So I really just need to focus on GOING TO THE GYM. I want new eyeshadow!
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Slow Start
It's been a rough week in terms of my rules. My job is very mentally and physically demanding, so I've not gone to the gym as many times as I should. Sir thinks I should aim for every weekday, which is fair, but then I actually go through the week and days don't work for various reasons. Closed for the holiday one day, I didn't feel well the other day, I had a dentist appointment and didn't get home until later than I anticipated. So basically I made excuses, some more valid than others. This weekend is also out because of visiting the in-laws. So I will start on Monday with a fresh slate.
I do enjoy these 30 days of kink. They make me think about why I like this lifestyle, even if I am still struggling with certain aspects of it. Here's more!
Day 21: Favorite BSDM book
I've read lots of Maya Banks, I just finished the first book of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy, I've read the Bared to You series (which isn't really BSDM but is more erotic lit), and of course, the Fifty Shades that started it all. I would have to say that Fifty Shades (the first book) is my favorite, just because I really identify with Ana as she learns about all this crazy stuff and ends up liking it. Maya Banks' Fever and Rush were also very good. They made me mentally picture a threesome, and I must admit that the idea is intriguing. Am I far too jealous of a person to actually do this in real life? Probably. Is Sir also too jealous for RL? Almost certainly.
Day 22: How to keep a BDSM relationship healthy vs. vanilla relationships
BDSM relationships require more patience. I'm not a patient person, but I have learned already that I need to work on that for Sir. He needs me to be patient with him as he works this idea into his head. Our version of D/s revolves mostly around sex right now, but I have started calling him Sir in text messages and sometimes out loud. I can tell it makes him a little uncomfortable but I can also tell he likes it. So patience is needed when I have to back off because he's uncomfortable. Vanilla relationships are similar to BSDM and I don't really feel like anything else pops into my head. Communication, trust, love, etc are needed in both.
I think I might add a weekly rule check-in so that I can consciously sit down and go over how I have done in each category. Probably on Sundays. I need that kind of personal accountability.
Always his,
HLA
I do enjoy these 30 days of kink. They make me think about why I like this lifestyle, even if I am still struggling with certain aspects of it. Here's more!
Day 21: Favorite BSDM book
I've read lots of Maya Banks, I just finished the first book of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy, I've read the Bared to You series (which isn't really BSDM but is more erotic lit), and of course, the Fifty Shades that started it all. I would have to say that Fifty Shades (the first book) is my favorite, just because I really identify with Ana as she learns about all this crazy stuff and ends up liking it. Maya Banks' Fever and Rush were also very good. They made me mentally picture a threesome, and I must admit that the idea is intriguing. Am I far too jealous of a person to actually do this in real life? Probably. Is Sir also too jealous for RL? Almost certainly.
Day 22: How to keep a BDSM relationship healthy vs. vanilla relationships
BDSM relationships require more patience. I'm not a patient person, but I have learned already that I need to work on that for Sir. He needs me to be patient with him as he works this idea into his head. Our version of D/s revolves mostly around sex right now, but I have started calling him Sir in text messages and sometimes out loud. I can tell it makes him a little uncomfortable but I can also tell he likes it. So patience is needed when I have to back off because he's uncomfortable. Vanilla relationships are similar to BSDM and I don't really feel like anything else pops into my head. Communication, trust, love, etc are needed in both.
I think I might add a weekly rule check-in so that I can consciously sit down and go over how I have done in each category. Probably on Sundays. I need that kind of personal accountability.
Always his,
HLA
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Work Vent
I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job.
I love my house. I love having food. I love my health insurance (which is apparently very good). I love being able to contribute to our income.
These two sets of statements do not coincide very well in my head.
I have being seeing a therapist for the past six months because of a depression that my job was a main factor of. Everything I hate (almost) can be tied back to my job. I have low self-esteem because I feel like this job is the best thing I can get. I have a degree in a semi-stable career field, but am stuck in this hourly shit job that a high schooler could do. I have applied for manager positions. I have asked repeatedly to be moved up within the company. I have applied for other entry level positions at other places. Nothing. In the past year I have put in dozens of applications and have gotten exactly four interviews. Four. Am I really that shitty?
Driving home from work today, I found myself crying because I would rather be dead than keep working at my job for five more years. My job makes me think less of myself, makes me question every major decision in my life. Should I have even gone to college? I'd be in the same boat I am now, but I wouldn't be looking beyond my current position. Will Sir and I ever be able to afford to have kids? We both want them, desperately. We have names in mind. Sir bought a monster shaped night light on clearance somewhere a year ago. The trouble is how we would afford day care because infant daycare in our area costs more than I make. It would be cheaper for us if I quit my job to take care of the kid. If I worked, we would be losing money. People keep telling us that if we wait until we can afford it, we will never do it. I want to slap them. Sorry for waiting until I can support my family. Sorry we don't want to be like those people with eight kids, no jobs, and 3K in food stamps per month.
I feel like giving up hope of ever finding a different job. The chances of me getting a job in my field are pretty much nothing. There are so many graduating classes between me and the new grads that there is no chance they would hire me over one of them. Putting in applications feels like a waste of time. No one ever calls back. No one ever wants to talk.
I'm really hoping for that one call from that one person who has a job for me. One person, one perfect opportunity. I work hard at my job, for nothing. No one notices. No one appreciates it. I want to work somewhere I am proud to announce. Not my usual, I work at Company X. Oh, yes, my job is very nice. Because what the hell am I supposed to say? I hope that mother effing place goes up in smoke. They can kiss my ass. People frown on that kind of openness and honesty.
Here's hoping for THAT call. And if you are in the same boat as me, I'm toasting to you too. Here's to not throwing in the towel quite yet.
I love my house. I love having food. I love my health insurance (which is apparently very good). I love being able to contribute to our income.
These two sets of statements do not coincide very well in my head.
I have being seeing a therapist for the past six months because of a depression that my job was a main factor of. Everything I hate (almost) can be tied back to my job. I have low self-esteem because I feel like this job is the best thing I can get. I have a degree in a semi-stable career field, but am stuck in this hourly shit job that a high schooler could do. I have applied for manager positions. I have asked repeatedly to be moved up within the company. I have applied for other entry level positions at other places. Nothing. In the past year I have put in dozens of applications and have gotten exactly four interviews. Four. Am I really that shitty?
Driving home from work today, I found myself crying because I would rather be dead than keep working at my job for five more years. My job makes me think less of myself, makes me question every major decision in my life. Should I have even gone to college? I'd be in the same boat I am now, but I wouldn't be looking beyond my current position. Will Sir and I ever be able to afford to have kids? We both want them, desperately. We have names in mind. Sir bought a monster shaped night light on clearance somewhere a year ago. The trouble is how we would afford day care because infant daycare in our area costs more than I make. It would be cheaper for us if I quit my job to take care of the kid. If I worked, we would be losing money. People keep telling us that if we wait until we can afford it, we will never do it. I want to slap them. Sorry for waiting until I can support my family. Sorry we don't want to be like those people with eight kids, no jobs, and 3K in food stamps per month.
I feel like giving up hope of ever finding a different job. The chances of me getting a job in my field are pretty much nothing. There are so many graduating classes between me and the new grads that there is no chance they would hire me over one of them. Putting in applications feels like a waste of time. No one ever calls back. No one ever wants to talk.
I'm really hoping for that one call from that one person who has a job for me. One person, one perfect opportunity. I work hard at my job, for nothing. No one notices. No one appreciates it. I want to work somewhere I am proud to announce. Not my usual, I work at Company X. Oh, yes, my job is very nice. Because what the hell am I supposed to say? I hope that mother effing place goes up in smoke. They can kiss my ass. People frown on that kind of openness and honesty.
Here's hoping for THAT call. And if you are in the same boat as me, I'm toasting to you too. Here's to not throwing in the towel quite yet.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Vibrator Heaven
I realize that I am probably the last woman on earth to discover this, but vibrator-induced clitoral orgasms are my new drug. Sir decided to use himself in my ass and then press my vibrator against my clitoris. Until I almost died and went to submissive heaven. My legs were numb, my ass muscle was so tight I had a spasm...it was unbelievable. Onto the next few days of kink:
Day 12: Humorous BDSM story.
This isn't really a story, and I can't think of any that I have been involved in, but I find it funny that vanilla people think everyone involved in BDSM is running around 24/7 in spiked dog collars, leather, more leather, and ball gags. If you aren't doing that, you just aren't BDSM. I guess it is also somewhat annoying because I now identify myself somewhat as BDSM, albeit privately, and I don't think anyone in a million years would classify me as BDSM.
Day 13: Appeal/draw of BDSM to me.
I like the idea of giving up control. Of being completely devoted to Sir. Of being used to make Sir, someone I love, very happy. I'm not a very outwardly emotional person, and this lets me show him without saying it how much he means to me. That I would do anything for him. That I trust him unconditionally.
Day 14: Real life vs. fantasy BDSM.
I think lots of things sound good on paper in relation to BDSM. For example, I love the idea of Sir taking me into the bedroom, ordering me on my knees, and making me suck him off. In real life, he hasn't quite gotten comfortable with the idea of ordering me around like that and the taste of semen makes me gag. Quite a bit. But the idea is very hot.
Day 15: Kink/BDSM wish list activity
I would really like to try a flogger. I am actually thinking of making one/buying one but I have to get Sir on the bandwagon first. So being tied up and flogged.
Day 16: Most difficult aspect of BDSM
Giving up control, even when I want to. And also keeping this under wraps. My work life would cease to exist, my family would probably disown me, and I would generally be a pariah if anyone found out about this. I am not ashamed, not at all, but I choose my battles.
Day 17: Misconception about kinky people
We are all crazy, loud, in your face about it. In reality, I think most BDSM people are a little secretive about it. Its your sex life, after all, and people don't generally run around screaming about their vanilla sex, let alone being whipped and stuff.
Day 18: Kinky pet peeves.
I can't really think of any.
Day 19: Ways that kink has improved my life
Since I have had to introduce Sir to this whole idea, it has made me more forthcoming about what I want and what makes me happy in terms of our relationship. And our sex life. It has also made me more relaxed (due to copious amounts of really good sex) and more motivated to take care of myself. Who wants to be around a submissive who hates themself? How can I make Sir happy if I am miserable?
Day 20: Something BDSM I am curious or confused about
I wonder about the hierarchy of sorts between vanilla, bottom, submissive, slave, and animal/little kid dynamics. I listed them in the order of "severity" as I see them. I think its pretty interesting that there are such clear lines between each section and wonder what makes someone want to go further in.
I have been doing really bad at getting up with Sir and making breakfast. I think I need to get my thyroid medicine upped next time I go in. I feel SO tired all the time, and very unmotivated to do much of anything. I'm getting that checked out in a few weeks, so hopefully I will be feeling better in a few months. Stupid thyroid.
Always his,
HLA
Day 12: Humorous BDSM story.
This isn't really a story, and I can't think of any that I have been involved in, but I find it funny that vanilla people think everyone involved in BDSM is running around 24/7 in spiked dog collars, leather, more leather, and ball gags. If you aren't doing that, you just aren't BDSM. I guess it is also somewhat annoying because I now identify myself somewhat as BDSM, albeit privately, and I don't think anyone in a million years would classify me as BDSM.
Day 13: Appeal/draw of BDSM to me.
I like the idea of giving up control. Of being completely devoted to Sir. Of being used to make Sir, someone I love, very happy. I'm not a very outwardly emotional person, and this lets me show him without saying it how much he means to me. That I would do anything for him. That I trust him unconditionally.
Day 14: Real life vs. fantasy BDSM.
I think lots of things sound good on paper in relation to BDSM. For example, I love the idea of Sir taking me into the bedroom, ordering me on my knees, and making me suck him off. In real life, he hasn't quite gotten comfortable with the idea of ordering me around like that and the taste of semen makes me gag. Quite a bit. But the idea is very hot.
Day 15: Kink/BDSM wish list activity
I would really like to try a flogger. I am actually thinking of making one/buying one but I have to get Sir on the bandwagon first. So being tied up and flogged.
Day 16: Most difficult aspect of BDSM
Giving up control, even when I want to. And also keeping this under wraps. My work life would cease to exist, my family would probably disown me, and I would generally be a pariah if anyone found out about this. I am not ashamed, not at all, but I choose my battles.
Day 17: Misconception about kinky people
We are all crazy, loud, in your face about it. In reality, I think most BDSM people are a little secretive about it. Its your sex life, after all, and people don't generally run around screaming about their vanilla sex, let alone being whipped and stuff.
Day 18: Kinky pet peeves.
I can't really think of any.
Day 19: Ways that kink has improved my life
Since I have had to introduce Sir to this whole idea, it has made me more forthcoming about what I want and what makes me happy in terms of our relationship. And our sex life. It has also made me more relaxed (due to copious amounts of really good sex) and more motivated to take care of myself. Who wants to be around a submissive who hates themself? How can I make Sir happy if I am miserable?
Day 20: Something BDSM I am curious or confused about
I wonder about the hierarchy of sorts between vanilla, bottom, submissive, slave, and animal/little kid dynamics. I listed them in the order of "severity" as I see them. I think its pretty interesting that there are such clear lines between each section and wonder what makes someone want to go further in.
I have been doing really bad at getting up with Sir and making breakfast. I think I need to get my thyroid medicine upped next time I go in. I feel SO tired all the time, and very unmotivated to do much of anything. I'm getting that checked out in a few weeks, so hopefully I will be feeling better in a few months. Stupid thyroid.
Always his,
HLA
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