Merry Christmas!

Family drama out the wazoo at the Possession household. Nothing to do with Sir or myself, but infuriating on a level that I have not personally experienced. I've been sworn to secrecy, so no more details here. Not that family drama would be anyone's first concern if they connected this blog to me. Ha.

Apart from the drama, Christmas has been great so far this year. Sir got me way too much, but my favorite is the new bracelet he gave me. The latch on my old one broke a few months ago and fell off--I found it, but I haven't been wearing one because I didn't have another one.

So last night was my family Christmas and today is Sir's family. Driving, driving, and more driving--to see people he mostly just feels guilty to not see. He's afraid it will be a bad omen if he doesn't see them all on Christmas this year, since there was a death of one of the elderly family members earlier this year. I think its a waste of time and gas money to go see them because he will be miserable the whole time, but I will support him. We'll get to see his parents, at the very least. Sir's parents are very awesome--not sure what happened to the rest of his family.

Sir is recovering from a cold as well, so at least the family visit will be short. He hasn't been in a very frisky mood of late though, so that makes me sad.

Now that presents are done and we've got nothing to do for a few hours, the time has come to attempt to clean up the house and make up for not being home all week.

Merry Christmas, blogland!
HLA

A Fight

Sir and I had an epic screaming match Friday night when I got home. We don't usually fight. Ever. And Sir NEVER yells, especially at me.

I worked 52 hours over the past week. Normally, I work 40, and when I was working at Helljob, I averaged about 36. This week has put quite a strain on us because when I get home, I am too tired to cook and too tired to play. All of that came out with a vengeance on Friday when I was catching up on my emails and stuff--nothing that couldn't wait, but something I hadn't been able to do all day. We were catching up on our DVR and Sir asked me a question. I wasn't paying attention and didn't answer. Something else happened, and then we were screaming at each other. Full blown screaming match, no punches pulled.

And then I pretty much told Sir to go F himself and went up to bed, where I seethed and cried myself to sleep.

Saturday morning, I woke up to Sir's arms wrapped around me so tightly I couldn't breathe. I tried to move so that his elbows weren't poking me in the side, and he held me tighter, telling me that he didn't want to lose me and he thinks we just need more time together since we've barely seen each other at all this week. We started having a rational discussion about the problems and then we ended up making out and having our first make-up sex ever. It was fantastic, and then we had a day of just us until we had a friend over to go see a movie.

After the movie, we asked the friend over and talked about it a little with her, and she and her husband have the same problems when their work schedules don't line up.

So my goal this week (which shouldn't be as bad since I'm leaving early Christmas Eve and I'm off Christmas Day) is to not let my commute put me in a shitty mood and to not let my electronic devices distract me from Sir. We had time with friends yesterday and we're having another friend over tonight, so that will be a nice way to get out of the rut. We don't normally have friends over because they all live so far away.

Commuter Hell

This past week has been the start of my overtime at work. It has also been the start of people suddenly forgetting that the expressway is for DRIVING, not for slowly coasting your vehicle with no cops or accidents in sight.

My commute, which normally takes about 30 minutes, has been creeping up to around an hour. I am NOT cool with this. NOT COOL. I've come home in an absolute rage every day this week. This has put Sir on the offensive because I am getting home so much later that usual and in such a bad mood that I don't want to eat or cook dinner. I had a cookie and a cup of coffee last night for dinner.

Tonight's commute took about 50 minutes. I distracted myself on the ride home with my ipod and told myself that Sir does not want me to come home in a bad mood. I am not allowed to get angry about the fucking commute taking so fucking long because these fucking morons can't fucking drive for shit. It helped.

So now I am waiting for dinner to cook and enjoying a lovely cold beer. Hopefully this weekend I can get some sexy time. I'm in desperate need of it.

HLA

Daydreams

Spent most of the day at work daydreaming about Sir.

His hands on my neck. His lips on my shoulders. His arms pinning me down. His eyes boring into mine as he comes.

I wish he could fully understand how much I rely on him. How much I strive to please him. How much I love his dominance over me.

Some hopes for ending 2013: being paddled. Being nipple-clamped. Making out in a semi public place. Having a really good, extended round of sexy time.

Always His Lady Aurora

On Sir's Orders

I think all of our long conversations over the past few days have helped Sir's confidence immensely. He seems more relaxed at home and his Dommy side is coming out to play more. He takes good care of me. He was too tired to take my ass last night, so we caught up on our DVR stuff until I fell asleep. I woke up wrapped in three blankets on the couch, very warm and comfy, but figured since I was awake, I should head up to bed and not stay down here all night. Sir had turned on the electric blanket so the bed was nice and warm on my side.

I woke up snuggled against Sir's back and felt happier than I have in a long time. And then he woke up. And then he decided to mercilessly tease me with his fingers until I begged him to let me come--which he did--five times. Then he flipped me over and had his way with me (not that I was complaining) while he bit my neck and told me what a dirty girl I am.

"Put your robe on and go make breakfast." So I made breakfast wearing only my big fluffy robe. And some thick socks, as its cold.

I love the weekend.

HLA

Christmas Cheer

Sir's holiday party for work was tonight, but the real show was the pre-party we had in the bedroom right before we left. I had just gotten out of the shower and finished blowdrying my hair when Sir beckoned me to the bed. He was sprawled out in just his robe, with the front ties hanging loose, revealing a peek of what was underneath.

Sir ordered me on my back, where he gave me an orgasm with my pink vibrator--which means--anal! Sure enough, after turning me into a puddle, Sir rolled out the medium sized butt plug and inserted it, then told me that he wanted me to think of something while he used my pussy.

"I want you to imagine what it would be like if you had two guys fucking you. What it would be like if they were discussing who would get your ass and who would get your pussy. What it would be like if they treated you like the fuck-holes you are. Just remember that only I get to fuck you in the ass. Your ass is mine."

The likelihood of Sir ever sharing me is pretty much nothing, so this imagining is pretty safe. It would be pretty hot, but I don't think I could ever be with another guy that way. Maybe a girl. Maybe. Highly doubtful, but it is more likely than a guy.

So after that, Sir told me that if I was lucky he would show me what it would feel like to have him in my ass and someone else in my pussy. I'm assuming he's referring to my mutantly large buttplug that we use as a dildo. Somebody is going to be sore in the morning. And I'm hoping it is me. :)

HLA

Weekend To-Dos

This Saturday is overtime for me, so while I will be making a ton of money tomorrow, I will be away from Sir for most of the day. After I get off work, provided I can drive home in the snowy ice slush that is sure to be covering the roads, I have to get showered and prettied up for Sir's holiday party, and then we have to leave. Sir doesn't want to go, and I don't blame him, because the whole party is just a show for the boss to tell himself that he treats the employees well. Don't get me wrong, its been great. But this year they are doing a cash bar (which is just tacky for this) and probably skipping out on bonuses and gifts altogether. On top of generally treating their employees like shit, and not maintaining equipment (which could be a disaster if anything went wrong), nobody wants to go in the first place. Ugh. Rant over.

Sir took my out for dinner tonight, which was very nice. I miss spending time with him. Our work schedules don't line up much lately and we only have about an hour a night after dinner. I need to be dominated!!! I think he's getting frustrated that I need his Dommyness so much and he's not as *rawr* as I apparently am.

Time to spend time with Sir instead of you lovely people. :)

HLA

Home Alone

I love having a day off during the week when Sir isn't home. He usually leaves me a list of things he would like me to get done during the day, and I get to stay in my pjs until I feel like getting dressed. :)

Sir's list today includes picking up a few specific things from the store, planning this week's menu around things we have in the freezer, and getting a head start on the laundry. My list for myself today includes going through the coupon stack, going through all the local grocery store ads to see what is on sale, making that menu, finishing (not just starting) the laundry, vacuuming the whole house, cleaning the bathrooms, and cleaning up the kitchen a little bit. Plus, I 'm making the first batch of Christmas cookies to send out with gifts to my out of state relatives. I'm a little ambitious.

Sir has mixed feelings on when I spend most of my day off cleaning up and doing errands and chores. I know that he enjoys having a neat and semi-orderly house, but he wants me to enjoy my day off too. I don't think he gets it. I like cleaning up because I'm doing it FOR HIM. And also most of the mess in the house is mine. But whatever. He works very hard at his job, which is very physical and draining. He works long hours, and I figure that the least I can do is try to have the house cleaned up and pretty for him when he gets home so he can chill out and enjoy his evening.

Sir's holiday party at work is this weekend. It's really the only good thing about his job, besides a paycheck. Everyone gets together at a nice restaurant, they all bring spouses, we get a really nice dinner (like, really nice. Mucho bucks) and an open bar. Score! It's nice to get to see the other people Sir works with because they are all pretty cool people. I have asked Sir to choose the type of outfit he would like me to wear (he wouldn't choose my outfit flat out--he says I'm an adult. I don't think he gets it). I asked him to decide if I will be wearing dress pants or a skirt, heels or flats, or I can wear a dress. I will most likely end up wearing my ben wa balls as well.

Sir won't be indulging in more than a beer or two while we are there (this thing will last at least four hours, so he will be fine to drive us home), and I'm hoping that he will take advantage of a certain drunken possession (me) after we come home. Or in the car.

I'm making a concerted effort to stop fighting him out of instinct. My first thought upon being asked/told to do something is to say NO, whether I want to do said activity or not. Yesterday, he told me to start my car while he made my lunch (he never makes my lunch, so this was a nice surprise). I started to open the coatroom door and he said no, just go start your car. No coat. I feel like he was testing me. So I grabbed my keys and headed outside into the freezing cold. I started my car and came back, shivering. He looked at me when I came in, smirking. Good girl, he told me. And then he came over and hugged me to warm me up.

Always his,
HLA

Wants and Fears

With nothing much going on in the way of kink recently due to Sir's stress and generally not having much time together, I have had lots of time to think about our dynamic. For a while there, I wanted out. Never out of the relationship (Sir and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for a total of 8, have known each other since high school), just out of the dynamic. And we had only been "in it" since around the time I started this blog over the summer.

I'm a very stubborn person. I'm a very impatient person. These two things do not readily shift to the idea of submission, and yet the idea of submission itself was fascinating and kind of deja-vu-ish. Sir has always been the dominant one in our relationship, and I love doings for him to make him happy. Like getting up at an obscene hour with him to make sure he gets a good breakfast and coffee before I go to work.

When I wanted out of the D/s thing we had set up for ourselves, I was feeling smothered. I barely looked at my blog or my reading list. The idea of sex just turned me off because I knew he would be demanding something of me. Something I didn't want to give. Complete control. Trust. Faith.

I think I was afraid.

I've always had trust issues. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school and I always only ever heard the one side of the story. The idea that the story I was hearing was a lie had never occured to me--until the reality of it hit. I have issues with letting people get close to me. I have Daddy issues. My first boyfriend took advantage of my naivety and the fact that I didn't know any better. As a reaction to these and many more facets of my life, I have a fear that I am not good enough to want forever.

Talking to a therapist (I stopped going this spring) and talking to Sir over the past few weeks helped me to realize that I AM good enough.

And that has brought me back around to the idea of being an "official" submissive. The idea of giving myself entirely over to Sir still makes me nervous, but it also creates a feeling of yearning to serve him, to make him entirely happy, to see the effects my service and behavior have on him.

For the new year, in addition to my list of resolutions and a 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days (borrowed from Molly's Daily Kiss), I will be reworking my submissive "goals," for lack of a better term. I like lists.

For now, I am simply His Lady Aurora.

PS. It looks like I might actually have readers. Thank you, whoever you are. Feel free to say hi!

Hickeys

I was cooking dinner last night when Sir came up behind me, pulled my hair to the side, and began biting and sucking my neck. HARD. I instantly began to fight back, since I cannot go to work with giant hickeys all over my neck, and Sir just pushed my hands away and moved his mouth further down my shoulder, where my shirt would cover it up.

He did this on my shoulder, twice, and then on my back. It's been a long time since he's given me hickeys. I like it.

I'm really liking my new job. People give me so many compliments and many of them are actually nice to me. Some guy gave me a Snickers at Halloween, people compliment my engagement ring, my nails, my jewelry (if I wear any, which is rare). Its strange to have people mostly be nice to me since I am still dealing with the general public. I am proud that I reflect positively on Sir as his possession, not that any of these people know who he is.

Sir has informed me that he is impatiently waiting his dinner, so I must call it a night for blogging.

Always his,
HLA

I like Sundays.

After a lovely evening of wine and relaxation, I have to admit that I was disappointed that Sir declined my offer of sexy time. However, this morning he was not so quick to say no. And then he demanded a threesome with a butt plug and everything seemed back to normal.

We talked about the lack of sex recently and he agrees with my guess that it is because he is stressed about his job. He doesn't like his job, which obviously creates stress, and he is concerned about his job security for the next year. He thinks he made a huge mistake in his major in college, doesn't think he even wants to do that (if he could find a job in the field, which is unlikely), and he knows that, as he contributes slightly more than half of our income, he MUST have a job that provides a similiar level of pay, he might have to move into something that he doesn't want to do. We are worried about him having to work nights, weekends, and holidays, which would really suck because I finally have a job where I only work during the day, Monday through Friday.

So Sir is basically having a mini-crisis and that is making him too stressed to focus on anything else. The only thing he can really do to fix this whole thing is to find a new job, which he has been working on for a long time. There isn't much I can do to help him either, except try and make his time at home relaxing and conducive to putting in mass applications. The problem is that he wants to relax, not put in applications, so he ends up taking a nap or playing video games until I get home. It really bugs me because I KNOW he is worried about his job, and I KNOW how disheartening it is to put in app after app and get nothing back, but if you don't put any in then you won't hear anything back.

Enough depressing things.

With Christmas and New Year's just around the corner, I am slowly coming up with my annual list of resolutions. I actually followed through on one from last year (getting a new job by Black Friday)!!

Here's what I have so far. This will be revised into an "official" version by 12-31.

1. Develop a healthier eating plan. I would like to go (mostly) dairy free soon, since I am fairly certain that I am lactose intolerant. I also need to lose weight, not least because Sir told me to buy a corset and it is JUST too tight to be wearable all day under my regular clothing.

2. Be more submissive.

3. Be more "housewifey." This includes cooking more healthy, wholesome meals, doing more cleaning around the house, and making more foods and snacks from scratch.

4. Remember to take my damn thyroid medication.

5. Start keeping track of budgeting things. How much do I spend on stupid things? Groceries? Gas? We need to start budgeting for a baby (hoping to start trying this coming year) although I don't see us being able to afford childcare unless one of us gets a drastic increase in pay. How the hell do people afford it??!! The cheapest I can find (which is not the best way to find daycare, obviously) is going to run about $1000 per month for 5 days a week. !!! It would almost be cheaper for me to quit my job.



Always his,
HLA

When Life Gets In the Way

That's really my only excuse for not updating or reading in so long. A month!

Sir has been very unhappy lately at his job, and I think it is leaking over into everything else in his life. I remember how that feels, and I can't blame him. We recently put some expensive work into our house and have an extra monthly payment to make, on top of the fact that my car is only mostly reliable as a means of transport, and the fact that we had been aiming for January as the month I was going to go off of The Pill and see what happened. Money stresses, family stress, etc.

And Sir keeps telling me that he has never felt this close to me.

I feel like we are emotionally closer, but further apart sexually. I mean, I literally cannot remember the last time we had sex. I'm fairly certain that he tied me up, but the whole Dom/sub thing has fallen apart for the moment.

And I'm not sure that I miss it as much as I think I should. I still serve him every chance I get. I still follow orders, whether he knows they were orders or not. We just don't seem to have sex. Ever.

Going to open a bottle of wine and see what happens. Perhaps I can get Sir to come out and play again.